Find people who love you. Or think you’re ok at least. And tell them of your mission for more confidence. This alone will take something. Telling people that you are working on your confidence takes admitting that it needs work. I’d always been quiet good at putting on a brave front. A plastered face of confidence that people rarely saw through but the truth was that I was terrified, panicking and sick.
I attended a conference on the Sunshine Coast a few years back. I didn’t know anyone going but I’d been looking forward to it for AGES. No amount of fear was going to stop me from going. I made it through the day. I even found some very non-threatening types to have lunch with. Then I went to the networking event. There was no escaping the panic at the event.
I walked through the door at sunset. The air had a coastal smell about it, salty and ripe. There were women chatting in every corner. Every stand crowded with bodies. A wall of backs aimed at me. I moved from here to there and never settled into conversation. The blood pumped through my veins challenging me to even hear. After less than half an hour I rush towards the door. I am barely outside and I cry big fat tears. I double over trying to breathe. I have the first major panic attack of my life.
In that moment, in the dark, by a garden, I decided something had to change. I drove back to my parent’s unit with blurry, tear stained vision. I cursed myself the entire way for being afraid. Of being a chicken. Of being so, so, soooo stupid. I sat on the veranda that night overlooking the Maroochy River deciding for myself that this was the last time I ran away. Telling myself that I would find a way to not be afraid.
So I rallied the troops. That night I called my husband, I called my friends and I called my Dad. I told them what had happened. They reassured me of who I was. Told me they wanted more than that for me too. They became my cheer squad. Do you know what? Other than the support and kind words do you know what the most common thing people said to me when I told them I was afraid?
They said me too.
So support each other. Learn to be comfortable with yourself and people and do it together. Cheer each other on. Be there for each other. Tell us here if you like! Declare this your mission; To be CONFIDENT. Tell as many people as you can. Tell them how it REALLY is for you. Tell them the truth about you.
Daily Challenge – Tell at least one person what you’re doing and why. Recruit them into your cheer squad and share a pic with us!
Hi! I’m Suger; Chief Blogger at Suger Coat It. Blogging since 1901; love a casual ootd, taking photos + writing about things that irk or inspire me. I love wine and cheese, long days at the beach and spending time with my family. I make stuff for the internet; photos, create content, write copy and devise social media plans for personal brands, small businesses and bloggers. You know, living the sweet life.
How true is it that we think noone else feels this way & yet in that room of people that you ran away from there were probably 1/4 of them feeling the same way, maybe even more.
I am loving these reads Melissa thankyou xx
It’s absolutely true. When you open yourself up to people, you’re often reflected right there in them. Bloggers know this better than most. We see it in action every day on our blogs.
Thank you. I’m glad. 🙂
A very good friend of mine once said to me “Kim there is nothing to fear but fear itself” 😉 xxx
A great friend indeed. xo
I’ve never had an experience like this, that’s probably because I always back out of going to events before anything happens. I’ve even done it at last minute on a number of occasions because I’m just to afraid of people, especially people I don’t know. I’m going to find my cheer squad. I hope my partner will be mine. 🙂 Again, thanks for posting your stories. I’m loving this series.
You’re so welcome Jana. This one was hard to write, I literally could feel my chest tighten, but it’s essential, I think, for me to tell it like it really was for me. Only those that knew me best knew about this moment. And now, you guys do too.
I’m sure your partner will be. Go get that community together. xo
But what if you have a shit cheer squad? How do you build a good one? How do you risk rejection?
Use the community here and build from there. Maybe there’s someone, you have lost touch with or have met only a few times. Your cheer squad can be one person, it’s not a quantity thing, it’s a quality thing. And you are ALWAYS welcome to email me. xo
“Learn to be comfortable with yourself and people..”
Yes, that will help a lot.
It will indeed. 🙂
This is probably one of the hardest steps for me. I am not sure I can do it. Even just one person. The obvious answer, Mr Black…it isn’t his forte, and I honestly don’t feel he is in the place in himself that he can give that to me. I am not close with my family like that. My best friend is the most self absorbed person in the world. She didn’t even know when we moved and is still yet to ask how it went. Lol. I wonder if I can do this without rallying the troops. I’m a bit low on troops right now. 🙁
This is probably one of the hardest steps for me. I am not sure I can do it. Even just one person. The obvious answer, Mr Black…it isn’t his forte, and I honestly don’t feel he is in the place in himself that he can give that to me. I am not close with my family like that. My best friend is the most self absorbed person in the world. She didn’t even know when we moved and is still yet to ask how it went. Lol. I wonder if I can do this without rallying the troops. I’m a bit low on troops right now. 🙁
Another great post! I think its a great idea to look around you and see who’s there to support you and sadly, who might be there doing the opposite.
I feel your pain at that conference, I’ve had similar experiences too. It is a hard thing to walk into a room of chatting people and feel comfortable. I try to remind myself that if I am lucky enough to be there with friends that I should leave a door open for someone who may not be.
Thank you Catherine. I do the same as you now, I have a radar for alone people. I seek them out almost. I know that feeling too well to watch idly as it happens to someone else.
This is probably one of the hardest steps for me. I am not sure I can do it. Even just one person. The obvious answer, Mr Black…it isn’t his forte, and I honestly don’t feel he is in the place in himself that he can give that to me. I am not close with my family like that. My best friend is the most self absorbed person in the world. She didn’t even know when we moved and is still yet to ask how it went. Lol. I wonder if I can do this without rallying the troops. I’m a bit low on troops right now. 🙁
I’ll be your troops. Seriously. You need troops. I’ll be your troops. xo
<3
I can honestly say this post made me cry. I have been there, I have thought the same things. I cry mainly because of my hormones going nuts with this pregnancy but also because I am sill learning to rally behind myself. I can be there for everyone else but not for me..
Thank you. It’s a lesson that’s tough to learn. Standing for yourself and inviting other people to do the same. Good luck. I’m sure you’ll do great.
Sorry to make you cry, but it sounds like I can’t take all that credit. Congratulations on the new addition! 😉
I can so identify with this right now. I missed a big local blogger event last Sunday (the first of it kind in my country) and all because I was afraid of going on my own. I was afraid that I wouldn’t fit in, or feel the odd person out. I was afraid that I wouldn’t be confident enough to meet new people, or network. If I told friends that, or people at work, they won’t believe me. But that’s how I am sometimes. But I want to be more confident.Thank you. 🙂
Oh no. That’s the worst feeling. The panic and the ick followed by the missed out feeling. Good luck with your confidence, I know that these posts will help. 🙂