My sis and her parsley bouquet.

You’ve all read the books, the articles and seen the shows {or heard of them}. The ones that say women are our own worse enemy. That women would rule the world if they stopped tearing each other to shreds. I tend to agree with this. My experiences with women are varied and many. I wouldn’t say ALL women are like this. But there is a predisposition towards it.

Mother’s are the worst. Go on, lynch me, but it’s true. From before birth it’s all stats and sizes and sex and how many. Followed by, how was the delivery, how much sleep, when did they crawl, walk, talk, READ! It goes on and on. No wonder you feel out on your own. You are. You forgot how to listen and were too busy formulating your response in your head.

It’s like Mother’s under attack. All. The. Time.

They’re on guard. Wary. Preparing, formulating the responses. If I’ve seen it once I’ve seen it a million times. Especially given the fact most people know Hubby and I are childless, NOT by choice. The telling me how it really is honest moment {My baby cries all night, I’m exhausted and want to curl up in bed and cry}. Followed by the too cheery, but everything is roses cover up {But I’m so blessed and I love every minute of it}.

I think it happens because you’re wary of showing weakness. To other Mother’s and to your friends. Because show your weakness to another woman, and one day, when you least expect it she might just stab you in the heart with it. Isn’t that right? Haven’t we all had that happen to us?

A friend was talking about the school yard bullying. The mean comments, the catty get backs, the gossip. I sat and listened, mouth open wide. What shocked me most was that she wasn’t talking about her 11 year old daughters class. Though there was plenty of the same going on. She was talking about the mothers, as they waited by the gate. Are you surprised that your girls are learning to alienate, bully and bitch when that’s all they see from you? I’m not.

All the other ladies aren’t getting off scott free either.

My sister went to the local {country} Music Muster. Kind of a big deal around here. Over 40,000 people descend for a week long music festival. My sister was there with some girlfriends to dance, have a few drinks and generally party. They’d secured tickets for volunteering during the set up phase. Hair and make up done, jeans and slim fit flannie on, off she went.

Throughout the entire night her and her friends were subjected to abuse, taunts and nasty approaches from other women in the room. I can only assume they were threatened or jealous of my vibrant, beautiful and loads of fun sister {and friends}. But really, is that an excuse? Was she really taking anything away from THEIR night by being who she is? Maybe she was. But that wasn’t HER fault. It’s down to them. And their insecurities.Oh. And did I tell you. I think THIS is the very problem that so many people have been alluding to with the whole blogging is changing and it’s not fun any more thing. Cliques {clicks?}, groups and snarkiness. Jealousy, drama and pulling people down. Sounds familiar? It is.

This post has been brewing for a while. It is, apparently, the week of letting it all out here. Let me tell you, as someone who heart burns with jealousy and competition sometimes. It’s not worth it. It makes no difference to anything and leaves you alone and bitter. This programming of girls is wrong and it needs to stop. If you want power for our generation and the next to stand up, to Speak Out {as the week goes}.

Show them their own power.

Not from one up’ing or pushing someone else down. But from kindness, generosity and being a good friend and listener. From being smart, talented and working hard at things that matter to you. Be the change you want to see in the world. So the wise man said. Stop competing with your friends. Go and get what you want, don’t be jealous of those that have it. And for goodness sake, stop saying stuff behind the backs of people that you wouldn’t, in a million years say to their face.

Enough is enough. Women. Time to quit your shit.

{this post proudly bought to you by a had it up to my eyeballs of the worst of woman kind, but inspired by the best of it.}

  • Madmother

    Hallelulah sister!

  • Cherie @ ‘a baby called Max’

    Brilliant.Every.single.god.damn.word.

  • Lauren

    Absolutely!!Brilliantly written lovely x

  • River

    Very well said, I agree with all of it. We're not all like that though, thank goodness.

  • Mrs Woog

    I chose to ignore the cyberspace bitchiness. Just not my bag. And as far as real life is concerned I make conscience decisions not to have those type of women in it.Great post xx

  • rex

    Yeah, it drives me nuts, alot of what you said.I remember when my son started school and there was a group of mums that were always having there tiffs at the school gate, they were always there 15 mins before school finished, why??? is it so???? I was always the one pulling up as the kids were coming out the school doors, mostly I was always just busy at home but a little scared of the bullies. I can tell when some ones being nasty, and so I just stay away. same, same with blogs, as in life. By the way, I like your blog.

  • Katy

    Interesting post and sadly quite true sometimes, I've noticed it on twitter, and have had some hardcore comments on my blog! tend not to let it bother me.. just pity women with nothing better to do! good read x

  • Sarah

    Great post. I just hate drama. Perhaps that's why I don't have the biggest social circles on or offline. I'm not being dragged down to anybody elses level (except my own) and would rather expose myself to things that enhance my life. Sometimes it just finds you though so we all need to find out best way to deal with it when it happens.

  • Jen R

    Great post, why are women so keen to bring others down?? So not necessary, peace, love, tolerance and understanding I say 🙂

  • Danimezza

    Your ranty pants turn me on x

  • My Vintage Vow

    I really think the old advice of if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all is one of the best motos to live by.

  • Loz

    So very well written, your passion is jumping from the screenAwesome post. Yup. Agreeing. I wish I wasn't!

  • Alice

    Hmm seems my original attempt to comment from my phone didn't work. Anyways…so, so true. Such a great authentic and inspiring post, telling it like it is! As women, and as bloggers (regardless of stats) we should all be encouraging one another right? If not I guess it's time to find some other IRL and online friends.

  • I was nodding through the entire post. Well- written, well-said. Brilliant.

  • loulou

    Hi Miss Sugerthank you for this post – I have been on the end of a blog bully locally.can I send this to her…… and her little posse she has???No, onward and upward, I must be doing something right – thank you for inspiring me – I wanted to give it all up a little while back and why… over a piece of trash. (and I really do mean trash).Have a wonderful day,loulou, from hereiamloulou blogx

  • A well written and very true post! Every guy I have met has said the same thing, all they do when they get into fights with any other male, is they get physical, throw a few punches, and everything is all hunky dory again. Woman are catty and cunning and spiteful and attack you on every other level, they get inside your head. It's horrible. We are supposed to set an example. I'm glad I'm not like some of the other women out there. Ugh. Sometimes I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

  • I am a bit under a rock. I agree with you, on general terms, 500 million percent. But all the blogging issues that I keep reading about? Truly, NFI. I do not see it or hear it (nor am I part of it, evidently.) So if anyone is bitchin; and snipin' about me? Go your hardest, because it evidently has zero impact…LOL!Mel my lovely – I have said this to you before – I am running my own race with blinkers on. It's easier. xx

  • Karen

    Just a very loud amen to that.

  • That bit, about being wary of showing your weakness because one day they'll stab you in the heart with it? Thats EXACTLY what happened to me last year, only it hurt 1000 times worse because the woman who did the stabbing was supposed to be my best friend. For 10 years of friendship i shared my weaknesses with her, i was the weaker, less successful, less everything one of us – and the moment I had something wonderful she decided i'd changed and threw so many of my weak moments ( many of which occurred in the midst of depression ) back in my face. I'm still hurting, but i refuse to sink to her level and talk about the "break up " to any of our female friends. I wont be accused of gossipping or backstabbing, no m'am….

  • Kirsty@MyHomeTruths

    Wise words – unfortunate that they are true, but wise nonetheless. I tend to keep myself out of all that crap (both IRL and online) but that also means that I feel a little out of touch with others. But at least I'm not kept awake at night worrying about stuff….as Lucy said in an earlier comment, I run my own race with blinkers on!

  • Mrs BC

    Very sad but also true, & really well written. I often feel out of the blogging loop, but I just am no good at politics, I cannot stand that sort of drama. I love Lucy's approach, & will make sure my blinkers are strapped on tight. Hugs to you. xx

  • Bravo girl!Karlene

  • Brilliant post. I don't understand why we can't just support each other instead of tearing each other down. I'm not sure what the problem is in the boggy world, I've missed that but am sad to be reading about it's repercussions recently.

  • Fuck yes! I can't stand bullying of any form from anyone. It's disgusting.

  • My

    This is my favourite post by anyone – ever 🙂

  • Wow Suger, talk about calling it how you see it! You’re right though, especially the bit about mothers. Well said, but I really don’t think anything will ever change. It is how it is, humans have always been competitive, bitching has always been rife. We can all try and be the best versions of ourselves but unfortunately, the best versions of some people are still pure shit.

    • Yes, I suppose it IS pretty straight talking. I live in hope that if enough people want something bad enough there will be a shift. I’ll keep working towards that. 😉

  • Gayel Stewart-Airs

    Arrr THANK YOU! Lately I have been deleting blogs and pages that bring me nothing positive…and have avoided many female social groups for the same in real life. I always think if they are bitching about something or someone they are likely to be bitchin about me too…

    • Couldn’t agree more, which is why, I think women become so suspicious of each other. I know if I’m talking about someone, and the person I’m talking to is really into it, all of a sudden it hits me. DUDE, they probably do the same thing about me. Shuts me up pretty darn quickly. 😉

  • Agree whole heartedly. Wrote a very similar article myself a few years back. http://www.smaggle.com/2011/09/19/why-women-need-to-support-each-other-im-dead-fucking-serious/

    • Always ahead of the curve. Can’t wait to check out your post. I expect it offers a whole bunch of straight shooting! 😉

  • Sarah White

    Agreeing with it all! This is why I don’t generally hang out with ‘Mums’ at school. The ones that I know are ‘cool’ are fine but the unknown is terrifying. It’s just a whole lot of comparisons, judgement and negativity that I can do without. No wonder most of my friends are childless!

    • I agree that sometimes our only response can be to leave a situation. Usually I can’t help myself and have my say about it first. Ha. Glad to see you have friends that you can trust, mothers or not. xo

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