plus size blondie tee + leather skirt outfit asos curve-1

Today I saw a woman in black leopard print pants and a print purple floral tunic laugh at a lady wearing a green blazer. Then I saw the lady in the green blazer point out and whisper {not very whispery} horrible things to her friend about a young woman in tribal print tights overlaid with a loose singlet and denim jacket. Then I heard two older ladies, sitting in my usual corner so I didn’t like them very much anyway, complain about a woman they know who comes to events in low cut tops. I watched them all come and go my frown deepening. What the heck ladies?

It bugs me. Annoys me to the very core that woman talk like this about each other. About women they know and women they don’t. As someone who is coming into their own personal style in a smallish town, it frustrates me. The girl in the leggings, looked fab. So did the lady in the tunic and the woman in the blazer. All unique choices. All beautiful in their own way. Not a similarity between them body shape or height wise. All different women with different styles. All being cows about it.

It reminds me of a fashion Facebook page or two. The admin posted an image of a new line of tops for Spring. Four out of four were sleeveless {they featured jackets and shrugs earlier, and later featured tops with short and 3/4 sleeves}. Time after time it happens. The comments start. Big ladies shouldn’t wear sleeveless. We should be hiding our fat arms, not flaunting them. Sleeveless, goodness no, when will you get the message BRAND, we don’t want sleeveless. These tops are too expensive anyway!

Well, I thought as I read through these comments. I WEAR SLEEVELESS. I am happy to flaunt my arms. I like to buy items that are sleeveless even if I don’t intend to wear them they way. So excuse me if I think you are being closed minded and self important. You don’t speak for me LADY. What you need to say is I don’t wear sleeveless. I’m embarrassed about MY arms and have bought into some idea that my arms are ugly and unworthy of daylight. Or a simple, not for me, I won’t buy them.

I’d be ok with that. It’s like on my posts here. Sometimes the style or the styling just aren’t you. I get that. I’m not asking you to wear them. Promise. You can do whatever it is you like with your body. Wear whatever style you like, but please don’t put your rules or baggage on me. I’ve got enough of my own. Trust me. And I don’t mean to be rude when I address it in the comments. But know, I will call you out on it.

So cover your arms if you like, wear shorts that are barely covering your butt or wear a sheer top with only a bra underneath. It’s up to you. I may not want to wear it myself. I may even think the actual style is a bit silly {hello butt shorts with pockets hanging out} BUT you can wear what YOU want and be able to do it without me judging you. I’ll support that. Always. Because fashion is so unique. As unique as woman themselves. And that is a good thing.

Sigh women. SIGH. When will this get old? When will people realise that while you might not want to wear something yourself, that doesn’t make it off-limits for everyone. When will you realise that our differences make us interesting and beautiful in our own ways. When will it be enough to be a support for each other rather than climb up by pulling each other down. I can’t believe I’m writing this post again. Maybe I need to have flyer printed?

  • I. Hear. You.

  • Jackie Brown

    Really good post 🙂

  • Olivia

    I can’t stand those snarky comments about sleeveless clothes and stripes (etc) that people write on brands FB pictures. Women argue for so long about how fat fashion is shapeless or not up to trend and then those same people will then turn around and slam an amazing piece of clothing that someone has worked hard to designs- because its sleeveless!!! It drives me bonkers!!! I wouldn’t wear eveything but I don’t say something’s ugly just because it’s not my style!!

    These horrible attitudes are what kept fat women in sacks for so long!!! Where is the sisterhood?? 🙁

  • Women are other women’s worst enemies. I agree with each to their own with regards to fashion. I admire people who wear clothes that I am too afraid to wear myself.

    • Me too! I see stuff online and I wistfully sigh wishing I either owned the item and could give it a go or that I had the guts or occasion to wear it. STYLE. Love it. Love it all.

  • Lisa Barton-Collins

    Hear hear. Lots of people are so ridiculously judgmental about things that have nothing to do with them, and don’t even impact them in any way. It’s disgusting, they should inspect thier own ethics and character before imposing it on others.

  • river

    I’m with you. Why are women so critical of each other? I was shopping in town today and saw so many women of all sizes wearing so many lovely items in all styles and colours. Made me wish I was more adventurous with clothes myself. I have to say though that I don’t like animal prints as clothes, not even handbags and shoes. No leopard print skirts for me!

    • No idea. I wish I could get to the bottom of it, that’s for sure. Never say never River. Trust me on that. Haha.

    • Kathleen Walsh

      I firmly agree with Suger that judging others has to stop. Love your post too river. Why women are so critical of other women from my research is because, we are over-masculinised. We are all feMALE, hence, over time, our personal male mind has been programmed by males to think like a male. Until we re-program our personal male mind, too many females will continue to judge females. Thanks for the differing outlooks on judgement – it definitely needs to be laid to rest <3
      Love from Me <3

      • Such an interesting addition to the conversation Kathleen! Are you doing research into this area? I’d love to know more. 🙂

        • Kathleen Walsh

          Thanks for your interest and my it’s pleasure to share my opinion. I have been researching the fe and male mind since I was a young girl. I am not a scientist nor a university graduate, but I do have a female mind, so I thought I’d have a go at writing a book to show what I discovered about our beautiful female mind. What I’ve done is to split, fe + male, he and he.r, wo(o) and men (we woo men), he and s.he – it’s been right under our noses. There’s only a chromosome’s difference between the fe and male mind. I will let you know when my book is published if you like? By the way, I love the concept of the site, it’s fantastic.

          • Oh yes, that would be great (re: the book). I’m always interested to know and read more about topics like this. Can’t wait! And thank you, glad to have you here. x

            • Kathleen Walsh

              Thank you Melissa. I’m glad to be on board too. Will contact you when book is published. Wishing you a magical day, keep shining.

  • CassandraHodges

    GREAT post Melissa. We really are our own worst enemy… it unfortunately seems to be in built 🙁 But I find that the older generation are much worse at it than us spring chickens. Perhaps when our grandchildren are our age, women won’t be so bitchy to one another… perhaps. It’d be nice wouldn’t it 🙂

  • Martina

    Love your outfit today Melissa. We could have been twins I think. And love your comments. We truly deserve nothing better if we continue to be critical of choices different to ours. When did we all get so entitled to think that our way is the only way? I also agree about certain brand FB pages. I cringe when I read some of the comments. So negative and whiny.

    • Getting stuck thinking our way is the only way is a pretty darn dangerous trap, it’s a none stop ticket to small mindedness.

      Ugh, those pages. I’m not even sure how you moderate that? It’s not contributing, it’s just blah blah blah.

  • Very well said xx

  • Mumabulous

    Isn’t it sad that some grown women still carry on like high school “mean girls”. Love your outfit today – sleek and sophisticated.

    • It is, and we’re all guilty of it in some form or another sometimes. Here’s hoping we can weed it out.

      Thank you. I’m loving coloured pants and blazers. Too wonderful.

  • sheribombblog

    Amen sistah!

  • Great post! I’m really over women bashing other women. I’m just over bashing anyone. Like you said just because it’s not for me doesn’t mean you don’t feel great in it and really isn’t that what fashion is all about?

    • It absolutely is. Thanks for weighing in Rhonda. I think it’s something we all need to keep in mind.

  • Great post. I don’t know why its so hard for women to be kind to other women. It’s a mystery to me.

  • Great post Melissa!! Completely agree. Rachel x

  • Great post Melissa!

  • You are a true wordsmith! So VERY well said!!

  • Yes, yes, yes! Thank you for saying this! Woman can be so catty, but I like to embrace the fact that everyone is different. Just because YOU like to wear sleeveless, and I don’t feel comfortable showing off my arms, doesn’t mean I have the right to dictate what you should wear.

    • You’re welcome. Embracing it is just what we should be doing. And yes, that! My arms, my call. And I’ve been thinking, I want to make a sticker that says ‘My Outfit Rocks – Suger Said So’ and distribute them EVERYWHERE! Haha.

  • Well said, Ms Suger x

  • Jess Catabria Ball

    *z snaps* u go lady! im sick and tired of this going on as well we should be empowering each other not tearing each other down!. we need to set a good example for the younger generations so they dont grow up with negative body issues.

  • I was guilty of this in a past life – not actually passing comment {out loud} on other people’s choices, but being all McJudgey and raised eyebrows. I’m so glad I grew up and realised that what other women wear is none of my damn business. In the end I realised it was more about my own lack of confidence. And as soon as I realised that, I no longer cared what others wore and also stopped caring about what other people thought of my fashion choices – what a freaking relief that was! I agree with you so much Suger – what a great world it would be if we call all build each other up instead!

    • I was the same. One of the worst. I think when you spend a lot of time judging other people and their outfit choices, all it does is restrict your personal style. You are really the only one who suffers as most people wouldn’t even rate your judgements.

      Wouldn’t that be great indeed!?