when its not okay

There are times in life when you think everything will be ok because it has to be. Because you just don’t know how you would keep going if it wasn’t. And on those days it can go either way. But you never really believe that until it goes badly.

Until it ends and you are left in a moment where the worst has happened and now you have to deal. That moment that you assume happened to OTHER people. And not to you. But then, all of a sudden it is you.

You are losing someone you love, or holding the hand of someone dear while they do. The spotting of blood really is something to worry about and then it is all over. For now. Or forever. And now you know. You may not want to believe but you know. Bad things happen. Sometimes things don’t go well. Not all stories end well.

It is that tearing of hope. The removal of it by force. It is that that stabs you mercilessly in the heart. Because now you know. Now you know. And you’ll never forget. You know that good things can be taken away. That the people you love won’t always be there. That sometimes everything doesn’t come up roses.

Unlike a person who has never been attacked by life in this way, you know that it CAN and does happen. You are changed. Permanently. You are different to them. Fundamentally. And you can no longer tell who the lucky ones are. Is it you facing the harsh light of day? Or is it them thinking that it will all be ok?

Because maybe for them, it will be.

You hope.

  • Erin

    if i were near you right now i would hug you xxx

  • Toushka Lee

    hugs. love.

  • you know people don't like to admit or face the fact that things don't always end well for everyone – that sometimes not everyone does get the happy ending.i know because i'm not going to and even though i need, desperately at times, to talk about it in an effort to come to terms with it myself, people don't want to talk about it because very few want to admit that happy endings don't happen for everyone.i think because me and the other women who don't get our happy endings are swept under the carpet so often, it makes me talk about it more often.sending you hugs as always beautiful.xxx

  • Danimezza

    *bump fists*here for you my suger-sister x

  • I *want* to hold your hand. I want to be there for you, without knowing the story or even needing to.Because I've lost someone close to me. I've held the hand of someone else who was. I've seen that spot of blood and it was the end and I've seen trails of blood when it wasn't. And I've changed, forever. I'm never going to be the same person. Not after the good times, or the sad times, or the unthinkably terrible times. Some of that change though, turned me into a better person. A person with more wisdom and empathy and compassion. And I wish, that whatever it was or is for you right now, I could tell you that from here, right now, you have me, thinking of you. Wishing you whatever it is that you need right now. Strength or peace or hope or luck…whatever it is. Because I've needed it before and wonderful people have given it to me. And you are a wonderful, wonderful person who deserves to have it back. A hundred fold. So I'm going to sit here a moment, just you and I on your blog. I'm not going to close down the page, and it doesn't matter where you are. I am here. And in my heart, and my mind, right now..I'm holding your hand. And somewhere in your heart, I hope you can feel it.

  • i don't really know what to say except i can completely understand and i'm sorry.

  • MelissaSending you lots of hugs.I don't know what else to do or say except that I understand.SSG xxxSydney Shop Girl blog

  • I cant see for tears, I hate that there is nothing I can do to help. If only we all got our happy endings. Of all people you deserve it x 100! Love xx

  • All i can offer you is an ear to listen with and a shoulder to cry on, if you need. Chin up chooky!

  • I'm going to give you the biggest hug next time I see you. You won't know what hit you (SURPRISE HUG)! Am I allowed to be angry too? Because you ARE a damn good person and you DO deserve your happy ever after. I'm angry that you aren't feeling it or there yet.Sending you my love (that almost said lobe – eww I don't think you want me to send you my ear lobe).xxx

  • Louisa Claire

    A fellow blogger linked to your post this evening so I popped over to say hi and now want to join the chorus offering a virtual hug. I too have been there, it's a very hard place. I wish there was more that could be said or done, but at times like these words are often inadequate. x