Yesterday {was it then or was I that far out of the loop} it hit the interwebs that Kim Kardashian is expecting. The world is abuzz, the gossip world, that is. It got me thinking about Khloe. Khloe who doesn’t have a baby yet. Khloe who has seen two siblings have babies since she expressed a wanting for her own baby. Khloe who I feel a wee bit connected with in this sense. And by a wee bit, I mean a big fat connection, heck I’d move into her wardrobe if she’d let me.

But let me explain.

My brother has had two children {not literally obviously, his wife helped} and my sister is expecting, due mid next year. I don’t have anything remotely close to a baby. I’m the Khloe. The one everyone casts pitying sighs towards when the sibling announces happy news. The one who feels like they’ve lost their own mind half the time. The one who’s heart breaks and grows bigger with joy in the same moment. The one who can’t help but wonder about stuff.

I wonder what people are really saying. I wonder what keeps me here. I wonder how my husband really feels. Sometimes. I wonder how much longer, how many more announcements, how many times it won’t be me before it is. Will it ever be me? Maybe now is the time to finally accept maybe it won’t be. It probably isn’t. but I wonder about that too. I know some have waited much, much longer than us. Longer and still have empty arms. I wonder if they feel like Khloe sometimes too.

2013. What have you got in store for us?

Khloe and I.

Anything good?

Because if you do, I am so announcing that on twitter.