I had BIG plans for this weekend. I have open documents here, there and everywhere. Guest posts, eBooks drafts and especially my competition entry for the Kidspot Top 50 Bloggers. So after lots and lots of naps, one night that included WAY too much wine and that cold, I have virtually nothing done. Seriously! Lucky I left the house Saturday and got SOME stuff done because it’s been a bust since then.

Hubby did remind me though that this year my birthday was the most successful I’ve ever had. I spent a lovely day with family and friends, got a new car a couple of days before AND the box set of Friends. Seriously, this is a major win in my books. Did I ever tell you about the year referred to in this house as the birthday Hubby was lucky to survive and that I might have overacted slightly about…

I haven’t? Well here we go.

It was the March before our wedding in August. I arrived home to our living room furniture piled up in the second lounge blocking the entrance, paint fumes and a trail of rose petals. A sign told me to follow the petals. Cynic that I am, I thought, derrr, it’s the only clear path through this mess! Soon I found Hubby sitting on the edge of a full bathtub, candles and more petals floating in the bath and two small boxes. I got a little excited, I won’t lie. I might have also said that I hope Hubby knew where the heck the vacuum cleaner is!

I opened the boxes and inside were our wedding bands. Hubby has squirreled them away since they called to notify us they were ready to collect. Happy birthday he said. I love you. Naaaaaw. thanks babe, I said. But umm, these aren’t my birthday present are they, wedding rings don’t count. Well no, he said. Looking a little miffed {Who can blame him, I’m a cow, I know} he pulled out two wrapped parcels. One light and one heavy.

I opened the light parcel and it was a jumper I’d put on lay-by a few weeks earlier. I cringe a little on the inside thinking that I’d decided it didn’t really suit me and I was going to return it. So then I opened the heavy one, unwrapping the gift there was a box. A square box about 30cm across. I had no idea what to expect, but when I saw what it I was not happy. SO not happy.

Apparently Hubby thought it was a good idea to give me our wedding rings, a jumper I didn’t want and BATHROOM SCALES for my birthday. And he didn’t know where the vacuum cleaner was. Thank goodness it’s become family legend or I might have left him then and there. Because let’s face it, we didn’t have any scales just isn’t a good enough reason to gift them to your wife to be for her birthday.

Worse gift ever, your turn. Go.

  • Kim

    Cringe. Poor hubby! Poor choice of bday presents, no doubt, but the bath and rose petals was a lovely jesture. You’re so funny and so like me, the vacuum cleaner would be exactly what I’d be thinking about too;)

    I’m so glad this year has been a lovely birthday year for you. x

    • Melissa Walker Horn

      Cringe indeed! Thank goodness, it only took him 8 years to pull off a a successful birthday. 😉

  • LOL, yeah I have to admit that most men aren’t very good at picking out gifts. We don’t buy each other birthday presents, I can’t remember the last time we did. I know it has been many many years, we actually didn’t even buy each other Christmas gifts this past Christmas(not the first time for that either), but for us it comes down to lack of money. I’m sure once our financial vampires are out on their own we will start buying gifts for each other again. 

    For some reason though every year my birthday SUCKS! It has been like that for forever, last year it was actually a decent day for the first time. But usually for no particular reason my birthday always ends up being a horrible day. One I remember specifically is when everyone (hubby and his parents) decided we would have KFC  for my birthday dinner. Yep, they thought it was a great idea to pick up a bucket of fried greasy chicken for my birthday, when at the time I rarely at the stuff because I always got a horrible stomach ache from it.  I always ask everyone what they want for their birthday dinner, but for mine it seems to always be what everyone else wants.

    • Melissa Walker Horn

      We don’t usually buy gifts either these days. Just a bit of a token pressie or offer the other free rein on the account to buy what they want. It works.

      I think you need to reclaim the awesome that is birthdays. Take back your birthday and make the next one awesome!!

  • bmidontcare

    Ohhhh Husband, scales are NEVER an appropriate present. Not ever.

    Kinda makes me glad I don’t celebrate birthdays – Professor only has to buy me anniversary presents, and I’ve started writing a list of the things I want so he can pick from them. Gotta make these things idiot proof!

    • Melissa Walker Horn

      I know right!? Way off. It’s not his fault, he doesn’t get much practice, I usually buy my own. Haha.

  • My Vintage Vow

    I can’t really think of a really bad gift from hubby. However I do remember hubby and I having to talk his dad out of buying an ironing board for hubby’s mum, one Christmas a while back now.

    • Melissa Walker Horn

      Your FIL, my Hubby, they could be besties. Bad present ideas besties. Haha.

  • Danielle Melnyczenko

    lol omg Kelvy is lucky he’s alive! 

    • Melissa Walker Horn

      Dead man walking!

  • Trish

    OMG – never give scales as a present – but what a sweetie with the rose petals.
    I got a dog training VHS video set from my Mother in law – because it was my fault the dog jumped on her (he loved her mind you) not the kid or the hubby (her son).

    • Melissa Walker Horn


      HA. Dog training DVD set is awesome. Did you learn anything? 😛

  • Jos Parkinson

    I never get bad presents because for 16 years with my man & I know that I had better by my own if I want any at all! LOL!!

    • Melissa Walker Horn

      Haha. The ONLY way. I drop major, I think this birthday you should buy me a gift. Or this Valentines Day flowers would be nice {either though we don’t usually participate}.

      Ask for {or just goget} what you want, I say!

  • Jo

    I got a bathmat from an ex once. And not a nice fluffy bathmat, I’m talking about the rubber ones with auction caps on the back so you don’t fall over. We did need it, but still, pretty crap.

    • Melissa Walker Horn

      HA! This is ahhhhmazing. A bath mat. Hubby will be pleased. He just got bumped to second place. 😉

  • Tracy

    Oh wow, that story started out great with the rose petals etc and then went straight to hell! Bathroom scales?! What a brain snap! The worst thing I got from my husband was a food processor, the year before last. Appliances are rarely a good gift, and he got it because I said at some point I wanted one to make baby food. So, it was something that I was going to get ANYWAY, regardless of my birthday! It wasn’t the type I wanted and it’s barely been used. I’m blaming the baby and lack of sleep for that one.

    • Melissa Walker Horn

      This is my thought exactly. We were getting bathroom scales {I had protested because I do my head in over weight} anyway. And then surprise honey! Eeeeeek.

  • SurelySarah

    First year I was dating my now-husband. His parents bought me an insanely expensive matching gold necklace and bracelet. Like, inappropriately expensive. And I don’t wear gold. I’ve never worn them, they stay in the safe. I still feel guilty every time I think of it! But scales… yeah you win!

    • Melissa Walker Horn

      Not a bad problem to have. Haha. But I get it. It’s a bit off. My parents bought my brothers {now ex} girlfriend a car once. I always wondered how she felt about such a big gift. Long story, obviously they don’t ALWAYS go that big for birthdays. I WISH! Haha.

  • Keena

    My boyfriend bought me a toasted sandwich maker for my 22nd birthday! I am wheat intolerant (although in his defense we didn’t know that back then, only that bread sometimes made me sick).

    I’m currently still waiting for my Easter present …

    I think boys need to be taught romance and gift giving in school!

    • Melissa Walker Horn

      Baaahaha. I get the feeling this might fit the I want it but I’ll pass it off as a gift for you category. Like the time I got a Wii for Christmas. 😉

  • Worst gift ever? A cheap pen in a cheap cardboard box from Cheap as Chips for a birthday. It was a gold coloured pen so maybe he thought that would be okay, but the pen didn’t even work and refills weren’t available at the Ch-as-Ch….

    atip for your legs in the photo, lean a fat cushion up against the arm of the couch to support the knees and ankles. It helps to take pressure off the back muscles.

    • Melissa Walker Horn

      Oh dear. A pen. I love stationary but would be weird about a non-refillable pen. Haha.

      Good tip. My legs never stay up like that for long, my toes go tingly. 😉

  • Kate Stanton

    Kelvy! Bathroom scales, thats awesome. 
    Worst present ever a $10 gift voucher for The Warehouse (cheap shop) thanks sister in law who doesn’t like me! 

    • Melissa Walker Horn

      So bad! Don’t encourage him.

      Baaaaaahaha. $10 gift voucher is bad enough. From a $2 shop. Why bother? Just get a card and be done with it.

  • Riannaschuh

    I’m with Sarah. Very expensive jewellery which I gave back the week after when we broke up. Also…a cookbook. On Irish stews. With recipes involving brains. I didn’t give that one back though; I burnt it.
    I currently receive the most lovely gifts from one whom I adore 🙂

    • Melissa Walker Horn

      Haha. An Irish Stew Cookbook! Eeeek.

      Ahhh this one whom I adore sounds lovely. 🙂

  • Fun_sophie

    for my 30th I scored some pretend diamond earrings,  I know this as I got the credit card statement before he arrived home from the holiday on which he bought them,  I liked them enough,  wore them often knowing they only cost $30,  couple of years later I lost one of them,  oh well had my mileage out of them etc….. Christmas rolls around…. TA DA… husband has found the lost earring paired up with the other and wrapped it for me for Christmas… awesome.  Hope his new wife enjoys his sense of humour and present buying challenges…

    • Melissa Walker Horn

      Baaahaha. Bless his tight ass heart. 😉

  • Lila Wolff

    My ex husband bought me an iron one birthday. I was beyond upset but then the kids came into the room with another present for me and I thought okay things are looking up. I opened it to find it was iron aid (nice smelling distilled water for inside the iron).

  • John @ Blokeworks.com

    At least he tried..

  • Katrina

    I’m very lucky, I have a great husband (and a HUGE Amazon Wish List, which I guess helps lol). However, one year my dad bought my mum a knife block. She hates knife blocks (thinks they’re too much of an invitation for anyone who happens to break in to use as a weapon)… Oh, and it didn’t have any knives with it….

    • Remind me to start one of those wish lists. Haha. Oh dear, a scary knife block, without knives!? Heehee. Good one.

  • Michelle aka Ladydragonfly222

    Anniversary-My stepdad bought my Mom a vacuum cleaner you can wear (she cleaned houses), he thought it would be nice to help her on her job. I immediately sent him to the jewelry store. He came back with lovely opal earrings.Much better!!! My guy is good about picking gifts- he buys or gives me sentimental or cerebral gifts, ie; his treasured book of Sappho love poetry, (because he said that was how he felt about me…Awwww), Hello Kitty items he knows I will love or movies and books I have raved about. A vacuum, never! LOL

    • Haha. It’s a thoughtful gift, I suppose, but one that was always going to land him in hot water! LOVE to hear that your partner is so much better at gifts than your step-dad and my husband. Lucky you!