My entire life up until a few years ago, I knew three things about myself. I was responsible, I was serious and I was stupidly large for a girl {tall, large feet, large hands, large size!}. Now the first and the last are not what this is about. This is how I got un-serious.

I was barely 20 when I decided to get my serious life together. I moved back to my hometown, husband-to-be in tow. I organised engagement parties and twenty-firsts. I purchased a cafe. We renovated a house and booted tenants out of another. I carefully planned and structured a version of my perfect life.

My serious grown up life. 

And I experienced the worst depression of my adult life. In my renovated home in the center of town. In my spacious, grown up marital bed. I would cry. Soul rattling cries. I would gasp for air and at the same time, I would hope it wouldn’t come so this could be over. Suicide might have been an option, had I not lost so many from my life already. I was sad and broken in the serious life that I’d built.

I sat there, in my renovated home in the center of town, in my grown up marital bed and I would cry. Soul rattling cries. I would gasp for air and at the same time, I would hope it wouldn’t come so this could be over. Suicide might have been an option, had I not lost so many from my life already. I was sad and broken in the serious life that I’d built.

I told you once, that my Dad would come. Talk to me. Hug me. Plan a future for me. My Hubby would hold me, panda to me, humour me. And mostly to love me, though there was nothing he could do. Nothing FOR him to do. I talked to someone and got a prescription from another.

And bit by bit I un-serious-ed myself. I gave in to the laughter and humour that was as much a part of me as anything but had been relegated to the not grown up enough box. I studied some more. Quit again. Went back into Real Estate. Drank some wine. Sang and danced. Bought family and friends closer and closer. I learned some more about me.

And one day I got the joke. I got that being a grown up had very little to do with being serious. Like I imagined it did. I got that it had everything to do with me accepting me and being that. And let me tell you, the first day I tripped a little in the street and laughed loudly, mouth wide open and head flung back, I knew I had become a grown up.

And that I had successfully un-serious-ed my life.

  • Sarah

    You spoke to and about me with this post. Also the big feet bit:)I wished there were something my husband could have done but the work wasn't his to do. It was mine. My twenties (and some 30's) were a blur of thinking what I should be instead of just being what I was.Growing up shouldn't be so hard and should never mean fart jokes and falling over aren't still hilarious. Serious and responsible really have nothing to do with each other.

  • Melissa Jane

    You lucky to work our who you were so early in life, although, not a good way to get there. Some people never figure things out I think.

  • River

    I'm rarely serious, I find it so boring. I may appear serious, but on the inside, I'm laughing and joking.

  • Mrs BC

    Awww, you make me want to give you a big hug! I'm so glad you got to the other side of who you are, you are such a wonderful person to know.xx >HUGS<

  • A Keeper

    We were our unhappiest when we were earning the most money we've ever made in our 10+ yrs together. You're so right. Gotta be unserious

  • kate m

    good on YOU!squishy hugs!Kate M xo

  • I feel sad at the thought of you, of those tears. And I smile at the thought of you tripping and laughing. Not in a bad way. Just in that you seem so FUN. So lighthearted (not all of the time). You seem like someone who could teach me how to take myself less seriously.

  • I so get this post!

  • I knew we were related. Big sized big feet, tall, serious at 20. Tick tick tick. I was pregnant at 20 and decided I needed to grown up with a baby on the way. It almost killed me and I eventually got myself back. So glad your a fun lady, love xx

  • Rhi

    I get this post. Totally. In fact, you've just inspired a post of my own to write. xx

  • I love that idea – that being a proper grown up is about accepting you the way you are, not the way you are " supposed " to be. Very deep Sugar, very deep indeed…

  • Nice post – so glad you found you xxx

  • Thank you for the offers of hugs. I'll take them. Always, anytime. Come & find me. And thank you all for the kinda words, the yays, the contribution. LOVE IT. Make sure you tell someone who needs to be un-serious. 😀

  • Sheri Bomb

    LOVE this post. Made me sad for a little bit. Then made me happy. But mostly, made me think. So glad you've found how to be your best, your happiest. You inspire me in so many ways 🙂 xx

  • How bizarre…this was pretty much my waking thought this morning.I was thinking about a mum at school who seems so grown-up. She looks like she has it all together and sounds so confident. I don't feel grown-up at all around her. I think for me it's all about confidence, and I don't have enough.So here I am at almost 43 wondering when I'm going to feel grown up…I don't think it's going to happen!Loved this post.

  • What a great realization to come to. I am glad I have never been serious a day in my adult life.

  • There is definitely something to be said about owning who we really are.

  • Such a goosebumpy post for me to read. Love fact I just love you! You are awesome and your positve outlook is sometimes just what I need! xxx

  • I was telling Mum earlier this week that I'd hit a rough patch, and felt weak and unsure of what to do…she said "Yes love. That's called 'life'"Amen.xoxo

  • Sannah

    what a beautiful post. i was thinking about joy last night, and how crucial it is in life, and especially in combating things like anxiety and depression. it is so easy to get caught up in the stress of 'being grown up' and missing the good stuff, the fun stuff.

  • I am always so glad we you guys GET ME. Isn't that the most amazing thing? Sigh, lovely. And thank you for your kind words. xo

  • :)I so often wonder when I'll feel "grown up".Who I thought I'd be by 30 and who I am just a year away from that mark are two completely different people.Thank you for showing me I have permission to accept myself as I am and be no less "grown up" for it.I say this every day, but thank goodness for this blogosphere. Glad I found you today x

  • Wanderlust

    Love this post Melissa. I wasn't serious at a young age, but I sure got to be that way as I grew older. I'm working now on untwisting myself after the trauma of the last year and finding joy and laughter again.

  • Welcome to you both. I am glad that this post was alive and here for you when you came. Things aren't ALWAYS this 'deep' around here. It comes in flashes of revelation. 😀 Timing, as always, is perfect.

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  • Martina Hart

    smiling with teary eyes here Melissa. Love this post. Going to take it with me in my head today

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  • Karma Lewis

    I know this is an old post but I was drawn to this post from your welcome page – and I must say WOW! You rock! Thanks girl! <3

    • Thank you. And old post or not, I love to hear what people think when they stumble across it. So THANK YOU! 🙂

  • Needoll

    I was just browsing your blog Suger and thank you for this post. I’m in one of those what am I doing with my life now my marriage is over and I think I take life a bit to seriously. Need to just keep being me and not care that my life plan doesn’t fit with the cookie cutter mould like it might work for some. Much love xx

    • You’re so welcome. It took me a few wake up calls to realise that I was trying to live a life other people could be impressed by. A life where I never ‘made it’. Everything changes when you let that go, you never know what will show up. Good luck to YOU in this next phase of life.

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