I wrote this post the other day about the weird things people say when you’re childless and almost 30 or WORSE, they find out you are trying to conceive. Chantelle said, please, tell me what I can say, that would be helpful. Or something along those lines. I’m paraphrasing obviously. Chantelle said it all elegantly and stuff. And it got me thinking. What the heck CAN you say to someone who is trying to have a baby and isn’t.

So I thought long and hard. Delved the recall of my memory banks and tried with all my might the think of something that would work every time. I pondered and considered and weighed some options over in my mind. Nothing felt right. I was miles away from having a whole list. What CAN you say, I thought. What would I say now, knowing what I know of the general all time suckiness of trying TTC.

I’d say what some wise woman wrote in the comments on this post. That sucks. Big hugs. Glug glug. Or maybe I would say, are you ok? Do you need anything? Can I shout you a month of those freakin’ expensive pre-conception vitamins!? But really, it’s a tough one. There is no right answer all the time.

I think mostly it is to approach things from the curious, be interested. Without judgement or pressure. Be cool. Ask questions, but stop if you notice they become upset or just anxious to stop talking about it. Say, that sucks, a lot. Please don’t offer to give them your children. It’s not funny. Mostly just be yourself. And if you say something and see the flash cross their face, ask. Say, was that totally off or inappropriate? A real friend will say yeah {if it was} and you can move on from there. Wait. Uh huh! I’ve got it.

Say, I have no idea what you’re going through, but I want to and I love you. I wish it was different. And hug them like your life depends on it. But you know, don’t do it in the middle of a giant crowd. There will probably be tears. Big fat ones.

Problem solved. Probably.