I’m about to complete Week 5 of the Couch to 5km app and I really, really struggled on my last run. The intervals were a 5 minute warm up, 7 minute run, 2 minute walk, 5 minute run, 2 minute walk, 7 minute run, 5 minute cool down. I had completed the run before with a minute less on each of the intervals. Just. I’d doubled my recovery times using some of the warm up and cool down as buffers. But this run, the last run of week 5 felt like the hardest thing EVER.
I cried in the middle of it even.
Like, cried cried. Couldn’t breathe and it literally forced sobs out of my throat. I felt like a tool. What a drama queen. Crying, sobbing, isn’t going to help anyone get through. My 30 second emergency mid-run stop turned into a minute while I dragged myself together. Because my brother told me too, of course. He said that I had to get back on. That I had to keep going. That I’d be angry with myself if I stopped now.
That {worse} it was in my head.
BUT WHAT!? Not being able to breathe isn’t in my head. I literally cannot get breath in. That’s not something I can fake. But it sort of is. As I calmed the sobs, wiped the tears and picked up the pace again I just repeated to myself ‘calm down, breathe, you are doing this’.
Calm down, breathe, you ARE doing this.
And I did. I made up all the run intervals. I had one 30 sec and one 60 second panic stop. But I did it. My mental toughness is being tested and dragged out of me. My brother is doing that with his demands on me. It makes me feel a little different about the trainers you see on TV. I hope they care like he does.
…
I wrote the words above on Saturday, I was still frustrated and deliriously happy all at once. Last night I made a second attempt at that run and will proudly declare it done. Sure I still extended my walks a little had to stretch a major cramp in the final run but I got there. I started making bargains, you should have heard.
What if I make it to 6 minutes, instead of 7… That’s good too right?
My brother kindly told me to quit my crap and stop talking myself out of it before I’d even started. He was right of course. I knew what I was I up to. I do it all the time when I do the runs on my own. Make deals, bargain my way out, compromise. The thing is I don’t want to compromise. I’ve completed this program before in that I made 5km of shuffling. I’m determined to make it 5km this time at my current full run speed.
No more bargains for me. Plenty more runs. It’s all in my head.
Do you find the mental game tough when it comes to exercise? Maybe it’s motivation, maybe it’s the negative talk or bargains like I have. Tell me would you, make me feel less like a loner loser.
Hi! I’m Suger and I’m the Chief Blogger here. I make stuff for the internet. Which means I take photos, build websites, write copy and create social media plans for people. This is my blog where I share my life and the things that interest me. It’s been living its best life on the interwebs since 2009.
For the record I don’t think you were being a tool or a drama queen. It was a genuine reaction from your body and your mind to the situation you were in at that moment and that reaction shouldn’t be diminished, it should be acknowledged, learned from and move on. Learn from it during your next run, which by the sounds of it, you did.
I personally, don’t think it’s healthy to exercise to the point of being sick or crying your heart out or feeling so emotionally drained that you start thinking of yourself as a drama queen or a “tool” [hearing or seeing that word, for some strange reason always makes me laugh] and even though you said you felt like the last two and you were crying [been there done that but like you, pushed through it because it was just a small meltdown questioning my own abilities!], I don’t think you pushed yourself as far as I’m suggesting here – the trainers on the Biggest Loser though, regularly push the contestants as far and further as I’ve just described and I’ve never supported it or thought it was a good idea. That’s nothing to be proud of. You can have an extremely hard workout and not have to end up be being sick or crying or punishing yourself emotionally.
You can’t tackle the physical before you’ve tackled the emotional and I don’t think they either do that or do it ENOUGH on the shows like the Biggest Loser.
I’m proud of you, you CAN do this, you know you can, I know you can and your brother knows you can, which is why he is pushing you like he is BUT remember, if you need to pull back, if you need to repeat a week or a day, it doesn’t mean you’ve failed, it just means you really want to succeed.
x
Thanks lovely. I may not have been one but I certainly felt like it in that moment. I panic, if that makes sense, I freak out and have to remind myself that I can do so more more than I think I can, to slow down, focus and go for it.
I’m okay emotionally, promise. It was just one of those hard days. Days where your legs ache from the start and you wonder why the heck you’re bothering. I agree, I was having a moment, it was entirely possible for me to do it. I agree that there has to be a line where you stop because anything more is just too much. That’s why I hope those trainers care like my brother does for me. Knows me well enough to know when I need to stop compared to when I might have a little bit left. I am repeating runs more than weeks at this stage and that seems to be working. Great tip.
Thank you so much for this. Your concern for me shows up in this as well as a freaking great addition to the conversation that is this training business. Thanks Rach.