This past was written last week and shelved, I went back to this draft today. For you and for me. For everyone who doesn’t let themselves take a break or take a minute to get real with how they are feeling. You don’t have to be strong. You don’t HAVE to be anything.
We’ve had some stuff going on over here. Run into me in a coffee shop and I’ll tell you all about it, no problem, but I won’t be going into it here. The short version is it has taken all my get-up and go to manage all the things and work my way through. There are things to do and decisions to make and I’ve been plugging along like a trooper.
Until I wasn’t. Early last week I just got really sick and tired of the whole thing. I was exhausted from holding all those strings together with a clenched fist. I was worn out. So I cried a little. I lay on the couch watching a movie and having a bit of a cry. It was a fabulous release. I like to do that sometimes and highly recommend it.
Mr Suger came in and he noticed me in a bit of a state. I’m okay, I said, assuring him that no I was not returning to the dark days of marriage past when I was firmly in the grips of depression. Many an afternoon he found me like that. He looked worried. I’m just worn out. I don’t want to handle all this any more. I’m taking a time-out. I get it babe, he said, be strong. Not today, I said, I’m not strong today. Today I’m crying.
Mr Suger didn’t mean any harm. Most days I have the same conversation with myself as I manage to juggle the hundred balls I have in the air (you know, life) at any one time. Be strong. Stay focused. Tick things off that list. But this conversation reminded me of why “be strong” can be such bad advice.
Be strong, which is one of my favourite things to be, is bad advice because I’m allowed to not be strong whenever I chose. I am allowed to allot myself an afternoon to cry and wallow to maintain my sanity. So are you. Soldiering on is great but it’s not everything. Handling things can sometimes wait. Life goes on.
So take some time to lay flat on the floor and cry. Do it in your backyard if you prefer the sunshine. Give yourself permission to feel all the things in a way that is manageable now rather than have them sneak up on you later in a bigger, badder form. Give yourself the space to feel overwhelmed for a minute and you will be surprised how quickly it passes.
Give yourself a break in every sense of the word. Cut yourself some slack AND take some time out. Do it today if you need to. Heck do it now. You don’t need much of anything just to sit there and be okay with your feelings… Nothing much at all. And if all else fails, I find that I cry every single time when I watch the Blind Side. It’s an uplifting cry though. Try that. Or not, whatever works for you.