Stepping up this week is all about the gym.

Going more often. Working harder.

I’m increasing the weights and generally picking up the intensity at the gym. And it feels great. You know that first moment in the morning when you extend your arms and legs and just stretch…? It’s like that. But my whole body is waking up from years and years of under use. My body is remarkably strong now. Muscles dimple beneath the surface, some of the softness is giving way to lean lines. I enjoy it, this feeling of strength. It goes a long way to reassure me that my body works.

My sister, sister-in-law and I still go at least 3 times a weeks. We are missing Flick as she treks around holidaying her butt off overseas. But our little troupe continues on, working hard, pushing each other. Each of us with our strengths and weaknesses, things we can and can’t do. I find more and more I’ll just try. I used to be embarrassed of not being able to do something. Now I think it might be more embarrassing to not try at all.

Unless it is rock climbing. With rock climbing once you try, if you can’t do it. You’re stuck.

On a wall.

Way up high. Or maybe a foot off the ground.

That’s embarrassing. Trust me. Been THERE, done THAT.

Stupid school camps, mutter mutter.

Anyway my point is that I am gaining confidence in my body, its strength and its ability to recover and to shine. Maybe, just maybe one day I’ll forgive it entirely for the grudge I still hold about our battles to have a baby. Maybe I’m trying to make it prove itself. Maybe it’s doing the same thing to me. Prove you can care. Prove you’re okay. Prove that you can be kind and patient and loving. Or maybe, everything is what it is. I am what I am. My body is what it is. And my cycle forges on waiting for no woman.

Until then, hands up who’s getting some exercise today!?