I’m an eldest child. I’m a big sister to two siblings. A wife. A daughter. A friend. And sometimes it feels like the weight of expectations will crush me into the floor. Like one of those cartoon characters being bashed on the head and into the ground. That. The pressure to perform, to be a certain way starts to get to me. I question what I have and where I am going.
I get anxious. I worry. I compare. I panic. And then, I stop.
I take a look around and realise that heck, those people can want whatever they want for me and my life, it shouldn’t bother me. Most people want only great things for me. I appreciate that. But I don’t have to listen to it. I don’t have to buy into it. Of course I want to make the people who love me proud. I want to maintain any regard that exists for me in the world. But I refuse for it to be at the expense of my happiness and well being.
I was talking about the expectations of people when you become a role model. Whether you chose the role or not. There is an expectation to take criticism and harsh words gracefully. It feels like you need to be perfect, all the time. I thought this could be well demonstrated by an old episode of Khloe & Lamar. Ok you lot, stop laughing, I enjoy it, ok!
Khloe was taking a beating about her weight and size. She was feeling bad about her appearance and felt that because she was a role model about body love and acceptance she couldn’t do anything about it. She couldn’t say I’m unhappy for fear of being judged. But she was UNHAPPY. But felt she couldn’t say or do anything about weight that she was uncomfortable carrying.
Crazy. But that, right there, is the pressure to perform. Disregarding what is best for you, what you know to be right, and handing control over to other people. It doesn’t matter if it’s on you as a person, or if it’s about you as a role model. I believe your primary intention should be to follow your heart, make yourself happy and consider the input of others as secondary. Yeah, yeah. Easier said then done!