You wrecked ’em, I squealed as hubby kisses my face rubbing his nose on the glass of my sunglasses leaving smudges. I realise that actually that sounds a lot like you rectum and I laugh. And that’s about how my day at the beach with hubby went. We laughed a lot. Lazed around. I drank wine from a Tupperware plastic cup filled we ice. Life is good.

I think sometimes about parallel universe us. The version that could have a child who was almost four years old. I wonder about those people and what they are doing on that same sunny Friday afternoon. Are they at the beach? Did they brazenly go on to have a second or even third child by now, never knowing the pain of miscarriage and loss?

Are they smug jerks?

Maybe.

Probably.

As I glance up I see the bluest sky and ocean. I see the man I love, who up until today has been running a one man festive season ploy to push me over the edge, and I wonder who he would be now. Would he love me this much? What would life look like to him. I know without having to wonder that his life’s dreams would be fulfilled. His dream is family. 2.5 kids and a dog. I don’t think about that for long.

Instead I reach over, taking a long and satisfying swig from the water bottle and watch him sing loudly to the music emanating from his phone. It changes to a fast dance song by some unknown pop star and without missing a beat he switches to falsetto and joins the chorus. It reminds me not be sad, angry or disappointed, the life we have now is pretty darn awesome.

I wonder what parallel universe us would say about it all. I bet they are a teeny tiny bit jealous, just quietly. But I guess I’ll never know until I am them. I’ll keep you posted. I think too often I consider what life could have, should have been and I am disappointed. It never pays to look back, right? Or too far forward. Thereโ€™s nothing there for you.

So I do that, get a little too much sun and I leave that parallel universe to do its thing.