When is it okay to let people change you? Some people would say never. To be yourself no matter what. And generally I would agree. You should hold firm to your principles and ideals and not let go. BUT there are sometimes lessons to be learned from people around you that may require you to make changes to yourself. To who you are being and the way you behave. In those cases I’m a big fat yes.

You see there is being yourself and there is being stubborn. For me it was a pretty fine line and one that I often crossed. I got stuck in a few ugly ways of being that really didn’t do anything good for me and my relationships with people. But I didn’t care, they were part of me, take me or leave me, I said. A lot opted for leave me. I was quick to cut people off. I was easily angered and could hold a grudge like no ones business.

Not surprisingly I found it really difficult to maintain relationships, lead people and work in groups. Especially work in groups. I wanted to make a difference for people. I wanted a big life with the chance to cause something. So I started to listen. I took some straight talking, cut to the bone advice from a coach and have never looked back. Sometimes it takes someone further along in life, someone a little more remove to shine a light on those roadblocks that get in the way for you time and time again.

My coach told me;

  • That how you feel doesn’t always matter, sometimes feelings lie.
  • People have their own stuff going on, be accommodating of this where you can.
  • Never question someones commitment. If they say they are committed they are. There may be something in the way stopping them from honoring that commitment but it doesn’t mean that in their heart, head and guts they aren’t committed.
  • If there is an upset communicate it early and with a clear head.
  • And the big one, everyone is doing the best they can in that moment. When you know better, you do better. This goes for all people.

Bit by bit with this advice in my head I started to be able to be with people. Have empathy for their situation. Remove my often over the top feelings from my communication. I learned to love people again. To share myself with them in the hopes that we could all get somewhere. I had been changed. For the better I think. I love bigger, try harder, listen more and contribute to those around me {on a good day, ha!}.

I glad I took the time to allow myself to be changed. I have never been stronger, more aligned with who I am and what I will and will not accept in my life as I was before. I communicate my upsets quickly with the view to having them resolved. Grudges and I still meet on occasion but I do my best to let things go. It’s like some old wise dude said, about the you drinking poison and hoping they might die. It only impacts on your happiness.

So when is it okay to let yourself be changed by another person?

When you keep having the same problem, the same result and that result keeps you from doing the things you want in life. Ultimately it’s you who makes the decision to be changed or not. Remember that. Know when there is something stopping you from being your best and choose. And for goodness sake look up for advice, to people who have what you want, not sideways or behind.

That’s my two cents. What’s yours?