When I was a teen I was a jealous little shit thing. She had this, he got that, they have everything… Days went a little like this. Not always but in my private school environment I saw plenty of people getting more than their fair share {I’m sure plenty of people thought the same thing about me}. It was frustrating and sometimes I just wanted to cry with the inequity of it {believe me, I get the irony of this}. Sometimes I would let slip and whinge to my Dad.

Dad would shrug and say, that’s nice.

I  would continue to complain.

Dad would give me a warning look.

I would continue. Now I can’t have them. They took them. They don’t deserve them. I wanted them more. What about me. I worked hard too. Harder probably. I paid my dues. It’s my time. People just don’t like me. I wanted them first. It was MY thing… On and on I would go. Then finally when the spiral of complaining just got too much for him and Dad would intervene. And it would go a little like this;

Melissa {serious face} let me tell you something it took me a very long to time to learn. A long time of growing up. A long time of having less than nothing. Of envying others for what they had. Wanting it. Resenting them for having it. There’s enough for everyone, he said. Did you hear me. Enough. For. Everyone. My teenage mind was running overtime while responding sarcastically in my head recounting the millions of I grew up poor stories my Dad would tell. Eye roll at the ready.

You have a scarcity mentality, he said. You don’t believe there is enough to go around. That’s why you want what they have instead of going to get it for yourself. You want theirs because theirs feels like the last one. He would explain that having this mentality would always put me in competition with people. Small things would seem like kill or be killed. The number of opportunity’s for me would seem finite. Chances gone were lost. Wins stolen from you. You need to get past this.

At the time I thought he was being dramatic.

He wasn’t.

It turns out he was right.

It’s a lesson I’m still learning today.

You remember this post. The one where I boiled with resentment because people, other people, kept taking MY chances of having a baby. Same thing. Different guize over 10 years later. It appears I need to sit on the kitchen bench and hear it from Dad again. A reminder that you cannot truly be abundant until you believe in abundance. You cannot truly believe in abundance if you believe in scarcity. It’s one of those these two things cannot exist at once things. A mentality based in scarcity feeds greed {why give something away you might never get back again, eeeek!}. It feeds competition. It feeds tearing down someone to get ahead.

It’s toxic. And it’s got to go.