what others think of you is none of your business

My general rule is that if someone doesn’t say it to my face, then it’s none of my business. A lot of people, women especially, love to tell a good tale. Dob even, on those talking about others behind their back. It’s a bit of a game. But I don’t want to hear about it. Sometimes even when people are saying to my face, I consider what others are saying about me none of my business. They can think what they like about me, I still have the same value that I always had. I read that on a quote somewhere, from a bloke named Rain, from memory. The same value, whether I knew, other people knew it or whatever. It was always there.

SURE I’d be concerned if I was hearing the same thing, from everyone, over and again. Especially if it wasn’t the way I saw myself at all. Then a little thought has to go to, are they right? Maybe they were right and they don’t know I’ve changed? Maybe I need to look at how I am being with people. You’ve heard me talk about this before. About how during a training seminar I was told that I was really intimidating and closed off. I’ve never been so darn shocked in my life. That was 4 {?} years ago now and most people who know me today laugh at that. They just don’t see me like that. Unless I’m MAD. Then watch out.

So I guess I’m a little on the fence on this one. Sure, what other people say about you is none of your business. Some people just use other people’s lives as sport for their conversations. I don’t know if it means they need to get out more or what. Those people don’t add value to who you are. They question you chasing your dreams as much as they would question your choice of coffee. Or, you know, tea. But sometimes other people are right and you need to listen to grow and change into the person you WANT to be. So where is the tipping point? When do you disregard and when do you listen? Or do you just need new friends? Tricky.

What say you? Do you listen sometimes, all the time or never?

  • Tanya

    So bizarre that you have posted this today. I have been mulling this over all night after some issues recently. I’m still not sure about this quote. At all. More thinking required. All I know is I do get upset when I feel someone has a perception of me that is so far from the truth and I can do nothing to change that. I also know I’m not going to be liked by all and sundry. Maybe it is none of my business what people think of me and maybe I just need to know myself and my own truth? BUT (especially when it comes to social media) I dislike knowing that someone has written something (even it’s vaguely) about me and I can’t retaliate. If I didn’t know, I guess I wouldn’t feel the need to justify myself but still, if people are sharing stories about you. shouldn’t you be within your rights to set the record straight? See? I’m on the fence. It’s an overthinkers nightmare, this one! LOL

    • Overthinkers nightmare indeed. I’ve met you and from what I know you are generous, kind and open. I hope that helps you sort it out for yourself. 😉

  • Quite honestly for the main part I really could care less what others think or say about me, I know my truth. That’s the thing when talk is coming from those who really don’t know you it’s easy at least for me to laugh off what ever gossip I hear about……because again I know my truth so yeah they can take a leap because I don’t care. They can think what they like. But when it comes from those close to you I am more receptive to analysing if something I’m doing or saying is contributing ill feeling towards me. Of course with those close to you sometimes you need to take a step back and change things. I draw the line though with being changed and it making me miserable and changing who I am at my core.

    • I’m very similar to this. I think if someone’s trying to change me then I absolutely have to question the motives and go from there.

  • I try not to give people personal critique and I rarely ask for it. A man I met on a first date this week did offer some critique to me. After we had agreed to part ways I received a message saying I was very guarded and impersonal and good bye and good luck. I replied that I am really a very open person and these things are really about perception and good bye and good luck. But then I received several more messages insisting I was in fact a very guarded person. He was so persistent on this point that he got under my skin. I didn’t respond and I blocked his messages, although it is always very tempting to respond to this kind of bait, I chose not to. It’s ridiculous really. I only met him once for an hour. I usually wear my self esteem like an amour and it does in fact protect me very well from outside negative influence. And I do sincerely know that I am quite an open and honest person.

    I am always prepared to change my thinking or behaviour in response to outside feedback. When outside feedback is hurtful though, you need to protect yourself. Saying someone is intimidating and closed off can only be interpreted or taken as hurtful. There is no way to take that information well. It’s unkind for someone to say that even if they think it is true.

    My date this week was being unnecessarily unkind and I am glad I won’t see him again. If someone is being unkind, I have to assume that their feedback is also probably quite exaggerated and in the end it their personal perception and not the whole truth.

    • Thank you for sharing this, it’s a great illustration of the post. Great!

  • Faith

    Hmmmm. Generally this is not an issue for me in my private life but moreso at work. I hate that I work in a professional environment and it still is so much like school. If someone comes to me and tells me what someone else said about me, I generally feel more annoyed at the messenger than the protagonist and usually ask, “why are you telling me this?”. Pot stirring for your own gain ticks me off. However, if I think the issue needs addressed I will address it. I’m terrible for forced air clearing lol! We also have this horrible thing in work once a year called 360 feedback where people who work with you on a day to day basis have to list 3 positive things about you and 3 things that could be improved. It’s anonymous so people can really go town. Ugh I hate that! And then what people are saying about you becomes your business! I have to accept that I am being perceived in a certain way, even if its not true and if its damaging my career I have to take it on board and consider changes.

    • Ugh. Peer reviews! Eeeek. I’ve never been involved in such an extensive review process but have been through a few in my life. I’m not very good at them. They should email me the feedback and give me time to digest. Face to face I just get defensive or hurt, no matter how hard I try in the moment. I’m too busy reacting to hear. 😉

      • Faith

        Yeah we can ask to have them beforehand. They are out in a brown envelope in our post box and I run off to the loos to read them in private where no one can see my reaction!

  • I think it all comes down to how much you value the persons opinion, if it is someone you don’t really know, then they don’t really know you, so it doesn’t really matter. If its from someone who knows you pretty good, and you value their judgement, well…. time to ask the question

  • Gayel @Modern Mummy Mayhem

    My husband told me this saying yesterday morning when wanting to know more about my anxiety this week and hence blog post. Does he read your blog too? lol.

  • I personally live by the rule “Don’t say anything about anyone that you wouldn’t say to their face” because I believe everything has a way of getting back to someone. Does it mean I go around blurting my opinions to people? No. But if I wouldn’t say that thing to that persons face then I don’t say it.
    You pose a tricky question for me. My supremely curious nature and desire to want to know everything says ‘damn straight I want to know!’ However I know that I carry a big hurt from some things, usually the comments that catch me off guard and honestly, I’d be better off for not knowing. Plus I know that as humans we’re assholes for entertainment/self pride/to build our own ego’s and that a lot of what would be said is useless information to me.
    I do however think I would rather hear something negative from a stranger than someone who knows me deeply. Easier pill to swallow when you can shrug it off to someone who doesn’t really know you.

    • Haha. I’m the same. I want to know and yet I hate knowing. I’ve learnt over the years it’s better for me not to know most of it so I can carry on regardless. I only ever allow the worst of it to make it through my filter. That said, then only the worst gets through… Which isn’t always nice, nor fun. So maybe none would be better. SEE!? Rabbit hole. Ha.

      I think you’re wonderful. But then, I told you THAT to your face. 😉

  • I agree with Tony, it comes down to how much you value the person’s opinion. Unfortunately, I tend to put far too much value on the opinions that really don’t matter.

    This is a great quote though, one of my favourites I use when I’m feeling down trodden.

    • He’s a wise one that Tony. I think we all do sometimes. It’s hard to just walk away from someone having their say about you.