john green being awesome

My boyfriend thinks I’m too smart for him. I really like him. Should I act more stupid? Really? What John Green said! He’s the guy in the image above. No. A million times no. Do you want a boyfriend like that? I vote no. Too tall, too fat, too wordy, too geekish, too successful, too loud, too opinionated. Too something. This, my friends is a red flag in any old universe. Or it should be.

It doesn’t seem to be. I hear it often, I’m tall and my boyfriend {insert husband or significant other type as required} says I shouldn’t wear high heels what should I do? I love my blog but my boyfriend says it takes time away from us and says I should quit. I’ve just been offered a pay rise and new position, it will mean I earn more money than my boyfriend, he says I should turn it down. I want to work out but my boyfriend says he loves me the way I am and not to change…

Ummmm.

I’m going to get a little straight with you here. Which is, let’s face it, what I’m good at. Putting aside if your relationship has issues and feelings that need to be brought into the open and discussed this is manipulative. Really manipulative. Is that really on the list of things you want in a partner? A dude that likes to manipulate you into doing what he wants? What makes him happy, feel good, or whatever?

And no this isn’t about doing everything your way and not caring what the other person thinks, it’s not. I make compromises in my relationships ALL the time. Most people do. But when someone is saying you’re not enough of something, too much of something then why the heck are they there in the first place? Seriously. Why? They don’t like you. They like some other version of you that’s not here.

A shorter, less smart version.

Facepalm.

Facepalm.

It happens with all types of people not just boyfriends. Friends, family {gosh, family can be the worst} and even employers and colleagues. People will be people and most of them are really just trying to make themselves more comfortable in the world, damn the consequences. So he feels badly because you’re taller than him in heels and instead of dealing with his feelings of inadequacy whatever they are relating to being a short {or shorter} man it’s easier to tell you to change. Easy for him, that is.

Not so easy for you.

Sure it may be easy for some, not me to give up heels for their shorty boyfriend but it’s a heck of a lot harder to give up being smart, opinionated or successful. That is like asking you to give up who you are. A piece of it at least. And that’s not fair. It’s so so so not fair. And you shouldn’t let it happen. Ever. Sure bend a little sometimes but don’t ever compromise something of value to you for someone else.

It is up to you to decide who you are, what you will become and all of that. You and only you. While you continue to let other people make these decisions for you you’re going to be unhappy to some degree. If you’re young and still learning, learn fast. Take back control now. If you’re old and life beat that willingness to take the reins out of you because you got old and tired, it’s time to start caring now.

And in the end, I don’t care what your boyfriend thinks. I’m talking to YOU.