There are a lot of people out there who like to tell me what to do. Online. In person. Via my Mum or other relatives. And sent directly to my inbox. This is not a complaint, I have always welcomed input and ideas and thoughts and suggestions. For my blog, my health, my life… Everything. The thing that strikes me as difficult is that often the advice is not actually helpful constructive type advice.

There is one category of advice. One that gets shared around a lot. One that when you are hurtling towards your 4th year of trying to have a baby comes out a lot. in fact the whole situation brings out the advice givers. Mostly welcomed. Experience is something I would much rather gather from others. It’s the advice from those that accidentally fell pregnant with their 8 kids that I find hard to take {That sounds ungrateful, I know. I can be horrible sometimes}. The most common of advice is the just relax category {see, I bring us around to the point sooner or later}.

Relax!? How does one relax? Is there a specific way to relax? You see I heeded this advice a couple of years ago. And again last year. I sleep 8 hours a night {now}. I read and take long serene dips in the tub. I quit a high pressure job when I had bulk cash in savings to swan around lunching and fiddling with mine and others blogs. Any more relaxed I’d be dead. Just saying! But if you’ve got any other ideas, hit me with them.

Just now it occurred to me, while I encourage conversation about ‘stuff’ I’ve usually already made up my mind or decided for myself by the time I ask. What I am really looking for, in a lot of ways, is the opportunity to tell them what I’ve decided. Have them agree with me. Pat me on the head and smile at me. So maybe the advice to just relax is relevant. Maybe, when it comes to taking advice or seeking out others opinions, I need to relax. But for goodness sake, don’t tell them I said that.

Still with me? Phew, that’s why I call this category random ramblings.

  • Sheri Bomb

    Relax – don’t do it – when you wanna go do it 😛 sorry couldn’t help myself haha

    I think what you said is right, when we ask for advice we’re really secretly hoping to be told we’re right. Really, if you want advice you have to be open to receiving the ideas and possibly being disagreed with. I guess when it comes down to it, if you need advice it’s usually because the way you’re doing something isn’t working as it is.

    That being said, all of that only applies if you WANT advice. If it’s unwelcome, people should mind their own business 😛

    And as it relates to TTC, it’s all a pretty finicky thing. No real right answers I’m afraid. You just have to do your best and keep trying. As far as offering advice for these things, I think it’s a very difficult thing. And I think it would be insulting and disrespectful for someone to pretend they have the answers. I think in this situation, the best “advice” is no advice at all. Just a friendly ear to listen, a tender shoulder to snuggle on and a bit of love and understanding. xx

    • I know it’s like that for me. Most of the time I want people to give me the thumbs up, I can tell because I get so down if they disagree!

      I’ll take those snuggles anytime! Such a great point. It’s such an up and down road, you never really can guarantee what is going to be a hindrance and what will be a help.

  • Jess Powell

    Aww sweets.. Everyone is so full of advice.. I am so sick of pregnancy announcements lol. Every one I hear is a dagger to my soul :-/
    I’m dieting like crazy in preperation for baby making. I have set myself a goal of 50kg to lose.. So i’m hoping.. that at the end of the year we’ll be on track to start trying..
    I don’t know if it will help.. But last year we tried for a little bit and sex became so routine.. (now I just lay there until he’s done lol… bless marriage and it’s ability to kill the labido lol).. Perhaps try and spice thing’s up a bit. Bring the fun back into making lurve to your husband. Because it can become so routine when your ttc.

    Hugs babes xo

    • Good luck with your 2012 goals! I hope that finds you better equipped in 2013 to try for that bub you long for.

      I hate to say this here, because so many of our family and friends read this blog, but there is nothing routine about our sex life. Don’t you worry about that. Haha. 😛

  • “Just stop thinking about it, have fun, enjoy sex, enjoy being together alone and just be… it’ll happen as soon as you relax and forget about trying.”
    FFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKYYYYYYYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU… *ahem* or something along those lines.

    • Baaahaha. Sound familiar to you does it lovely. Once a ttc’er always a ttc’er. 😉

  • I think “just relax” instantly identifies the advice giver as having nfi! After a m/c I was far from relaxed about ttc, and the month we managed I “relaxed” by giving up my beloved caffeine, b6 supplements, reiki and acupuncture and my luteal phase finally was long enough to get pregnant. Don’t know which one or combo of was the fix or if it was just resolving itself but it certainly was not relaxing that did it! I was lucky enough to have some idea what the issue was and some ways to try and address it. I think for some people who haven’t experienced waiting that it is just an interesting idea, something they feel they have successful experience with when they actually do not. I wish you the best of luck.

    • ‘…it is just an interesting idea, something they feel they have successful experience with…’ OMG. THIS, this is it! That’s the nerve it hits for me. The I had a baby, I can solve this problem thing. Thank you. How freeing. I can let it go now.

      I’m so glad to hear you managed to ‘relax’ long enough to have success. And thank you. xo

  • Phew, I thought this post was going to be about my need for name labels!

    Not much worse than unsolicited advice, especially from people who JUST.HAVE.NO.IDEA. I mean seriously – is it something they read in a magazine 5 years ago? I’ve had a few of these lately, & what I say is’ Thanks but we have a great team of medical proffesionals & we are really just focussing on their expert advice’. Seems to shut up most idiots.

    Not that you needed my advice!!!
    xx

    • Haha. Well you could relax a little on the name tags. 😛

      And this is a great comment. Funny, insightful and just so YOU. Thanks!

  • borogirl

    First of all I must apologise.

    I ttc for six years until I had my beautiful son last July via IVF. It was a hard journey as anyone who has had infertility issues knows.

    I am now 13 weeks pregnant. I don’t know how or why it has worked now. But I know there will be people saying it was because I “relaxed”. No, its not. Its the same sex we were having before, just this time it has hit the jackpot where the hundreds (thousands?) of times before it didn’t work.

    This is the reason why I have apologised because I know people will see this as a reason why you just need to relax and add it to their arsenal of “information”. My son is a miracle. This baby inside me is a miracle. Relaxation had nothing to do with it.

    • I get why you apologised, but don’t. Such great news! And if they want to turn it into fodder for the just relax, let them. I don’t believe them anyway. Your children are definitely miracles. I hope and hope for the a day to be able to tell a story like this one! I love them.

      • borogirl

        Glad it helps. It always used to inspire me when I heard other ttc stories of success whereas others who had it “easy” (gees does anyone really?) used to be a daggar to my heart (no matter how happy I was for them).

        • It’s a bit like that sometimes. Not matter how happy you are. Accidental pregnancies are THE WORST. 😉

  • kat

    My personal favourite (along with relax) is ‘it’ll happen when it happens’ – well DEEEEEEERRRRRRRR!!!!
    As soon as you stop “trying” is another golden nugget I keep being thrown… hmm, someone aught to tell them I’m not the Virgin Mary and some actual trying is kind of necessary unless you plan on giving birth to Jesus.
    I guess the only real advice is there is no answer. Do what feels right within your heart and at least you can say you tried your absolute best.
    Something I’ve been struggling with is why this otherwise healthy lady over here can’t conceive and yet the boozing, drug addled hag down the road is onto her 6th pregnancy (and that’s after the 6 abortions she’s had in the past).
    Seriously, life can be so unfair.

    • And it’s like saying your keys are always in the last place you look. Derrr. Haha.

      Hugs to you. It can certainly can be unfair. Such is the nature of the beast. I like to think of it like this; Who knows what path those kids, that woman have to walk in this life. Maybe that trial of such a difficult start to life will make them great. I certainly hope so for their sake.

  • Well as someone who had a ” suprise ” pregnancy the first time round i’m going to offer you absolutely zero advice – but what i will send you is a big cyber hug and a ” good sexy time luck ! “…..

  • As one of those who had 4 without even thinking about it, I’ll just wish you luck and tiptoe away.

  • Zia

    My theory after all these years is that people say this sh!t to make THEMSELVES feel better, not me. This theory was cemented after my miscarriage last year. The prize for the most offensive goes to “Just adopt, you’ll get pregnant like ‘that’!” I truly hope that, no matter your path, you achieve that which you desire so much.

    • I’m so sorry that happened to you. People can be crazy. I think your theory is dead on. I do it myself {but hopefully not as badly} the blurty thing. Sucks when it’s such a sensitive issue. Badly.