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People, often enough, comment on the blog or Facebook page about the nice way I talk about my Hubby. The general air of lovey dovey’ness and kind words. I wrote about it in an old post, on an old blog that’s now gone. Ahh what can you do. But it’s about being on each others side.

My Dad said it was essential to be on each others side. To not put each other down. To leave the little digs alone. He said digging and put downs chip away at a person, no matter how funny you think they are, it undermines them. And a person who feels like they are constantly undermined and undervalued can’t be a good partner.

So I made it my mission. Given I have a smart ass mouth and questionable sense of humour, I made myself a promise not to be a jerk to my hubby. Not to make him the butt of my jokes. Not to put him down. And believe ME, some days that is hard work. No because of him, necessarily, but because I think it’s hilarious to be a bit of a jerk.

But I attempt to refrain. The majority of the time. And it works for us. Happy home, happy hubby, happy wife. you see I tell my jokes when it’s just the two of us. Because WE get it. No one thinks I’m making fun of him when it’s just us two. It’s just me. Being me. Trying to be funny.

And so, that flows through to the blog. This is about the most public of public places. What I write lives here. Perhaps one day it will be a record for our children. So I want the best of him here. The best of us. It’s not that I am sugar coating it. That’s not it at all, {no matter what the title says} it’s part of my commitment to him and to me to be on his side. And someone on his side wouldn’t make jokes at his expense or tell stories that would embarrass him.

You know what else I learnt from my parents. I don’t praise Hubby for the work he does around the house, or the washing or the dishes. He does them so often that I would be redundant. But also, this is his house too, to throw a party when he keeps it clean would be weird, right? I do say thank you. Often.

And he does the same.

We notice and say thank you. Not a single piece of confetti is thrown. But that may be its own post really. Do you celebrate your man helping? And I mean like WOW HE DID THE DISHES. No thank you for doing the dishes baby. I’d be interested to know. Moving on!

That’s how we got here. 7 years and a bit later. 10 years of being in a relationship with this man. Thanks parentals, I appreciate the advice. It certainly helps that I love his beard growing, t-shirt wearing, fence building, outfit photo taking, nowhere near the guy of my dreams but turned out to be my dream guy self. It certainly makes it easier to ignore those one liners when they pop up.

Phew.

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  • Tanya

    Have been thinking about this for quite some time. My family is “that” family. The ones who think it’s always fun to have a laugh at someone else’s expense. I have always been the over sensitive one. The one that needs to “learn to take a joke”. I hate it. I hate that instead of a compliment they will always throw in the one liner. Especially when it comes to things that are important to me like being the best mother I can be or achieving something I had no idea I was capable of. And the worst part … sometimes I fall into that trap. It’s so ingrained into my upbringing that every so often I catch myself throwing out that one liner. Worst still, is I do it my kids sometimes too. So your parents are right 100%. I love them. Can I join your family? 😀

    • Of course you can. Any time. Come on over. We do dinner on Sundays. 😉

      I know what you mean, I’ve been in friendship groups with a similar culture. And that’s all it is. A culture like any workplace environment or anything like that. And I don’t like it. I can take a joke as much as the next person, but when it’s an insult, thinly veiled as a joke, then no thanks.

      {Multiples deleted. All sorted. Haha}

  • Guest

    Have been thinking about this for quite some time. My family is “that” family. The ones who think it’s always fun to have a laugh at someone else’s expense. I have always been the over sensitive one. The one that needs to “learn to take a joke”. I hate it. I hate that instead of a compliment they will always throw in the one liner. Especially when it comes to things that are important to me like being the best mother I can be or achieving something I had no idea I was capable of. And the worst part … sometimes I fall into that trap. It’s so ingrained into my upbringing that every so often I catch myself throwing out that one liner. Worst still, is I do it my kids sometimes too. So your parents are right 100%. I love them. Can I join your family? 😀

  • Sorry. Double post. It told me it didn’t work! LOL

  • sheribombblog

    Ok, 1) your parents rock! 2) If I was ever going to enter into some weird, sister-wives, polygamous type marriage it would totally be yours 😛 and 3) I LOVE this post!

    I can be guilty of it sometimes, I think we all can, but mostly I don’t for that very reason. I think it’s an ugly quality in other people, I don’t really like hearing it from others to be honest so why would I do it? I find it quite weird, the way some couples go on about each other and I think why are you even together if you dislike each other so much!? There’s a fine line between a joke and a disguised truth. I have a pretty good sense of humour, but I know I wouldn’t want to have to put up with someone talking like that about me all the time so I won’t do it myself. Treat others how you would like to be treated I say.

    • Haha. First paragraph is GOLD. And let me tell you, when we start looking for a sister wife, you’ll be first on my list. 😛

      We all can be. Sometimes I can be the worst. It’s a funny filter type thing. But I refuse to give in to it. I think it’s that line that makes it such dangerous territory. If you want to tell me I’m selfish and never sweep the floors then do it at home. Don’t make a ‘joke’ about it when it clearly isn’t a joke. No thanks.

  • The only way to be I believe. You’ve got to be each others cheer squad. I know families and couples who dig and poke at each other all the time. Personally I can’t stand and it’s no surprise to me that they struggle with high highs and low lows in their relationships. I don’t find myself wanting to be around them. What’s more couples who air their gripes and arguments about each other publicly on social media really irks me. I think it’s a quick way to undermining and disrespecting each other, and for others not to take that person or the relationship seriously.

  • Martina

    Your parents taught a very valuable lesson. I wish I had been taught it and will certainly try to teach it to my girls before they make those mistakes. One of the problems is, the more you say something the more you believe it. So public deprecation becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. And , lets face it, we are all a little sensitive and prefer public praise to public putdown. IT is so lovely to read you praising him because you like him. And yeah, not because he acts like a partner and does the stuff we all should be sharing equally.

    • They did. I’ve been pretty blessed with fab parents. You are so right. It does. The person becomes that for you or worse, for themselves. And then, you both have to live with them. Eeeek! I’m sure you’ll do a fine job teaching your daughter. Thanks for your comment. So great.

  • lisa | renovating italy

    Gorgeous post and Gorgeous Man!! What great advice, xxx

  • bodyandfeetretreat

    I’m with you on this one – well said !!!! My husband and I have been together 27 years and married for 25 this year – we are best friends and, like you, we do the one-liners when we are alone but when we are with others – it is a united front that shows up – no matter how we are feeling at the time. It is the same united front that showed up when we were disciplining our child – even if we didn’t agree – we always agreed in front of her and then discussed it later when we were alone.
    Have a great week !
    Me

    • So great for you guys. We hope to have the catch to stretch our parenting muscles in a similar way sometime soon. Or one day soon at least. Thanks for contributing.