I must really annoy you, huh? Me and the way I won’t let you tell me what to do. The woman I am must push your buttons. I look at you, the faceless, and I stand determined, in spite of everything you said is broken about me. That must get to you. But I won’t be sorry for who I am. I won’t bow down to the lies you tell me about my worth, my body or what you deem acceptable. I bet that annoys you.
And, to be honest, it’s part of why I do it.
Annoying you is a part of having the chance to be free. Not being afraid to let you down or disappoint you means that I get to decide for myself. The concern for what you want me to be, who they expect me to be, doesn’t control me. It did, you almost won, but I won’t let you have that.
There was a time that I felt the pressure to conform and it weighed on me. It weighed so heavily that I couldn’t see the joy in life anymore, the fun or the lightness. For me, there was nothing but failure and always missing the mark. You can’t live like that. I, certainly, couldn’t live like that.
So, making you angry or challenging your ideas is what it took for me to change myself. I hope you can live with that but really it doesn’t matter. It was you or me, faceless ‘they’, and I chose me. You don’t get to define who I am anymore. I decide that. Me, and only me. So step aside. Be annoyed somewhere else.