I don’t really have friends here. Mostly I have some cousin’s who I love and they are great, the best friends a girl could ask for, but I have no friend friends. Not like when I go to something like Blogopolis and my girls are all there. Or Brisbane for lunch and I can just be one of the girls talking life.

I’m coming down from having friends to not.

It’s hard.

I miss people and talking to them.

I tried harder a while ago. Even wrote a post about it. Made some new friends, felt great and then they moved. Sigh. Poor me. People heading off to get a life. And then I consider moving, say to Hubby, come on, let’s go. I say it’s about opportunity and experience. Really, it’s about making some friends.

I get lonely sometimes, writing away in my house or the Gloria Jeans office. I get lonely and consider what life would have looked like if I had done it differently. Stayed single instead of getting married. Been able to have kids or accidentally done so in those early days of marriage. Even if I had never left my home town rather than going and coming back.

You know what else sucks sometimes? When you realise that you are the one doing the chasing. And believe me, I’m a big fan of being the one who puts effort into relationships. Really, I am. But sometimes I think wouldn’t it be nice if someone called me, sent me a message, or visited ME for once.

You know. Like a friend would.

  • Dear Suger, I think we might be related. haha. Or did you steal my brain for the day? I could have written that post. However I am scared of getting hurt by friends so I don’t have them. Well I do, but — the arms length approach. I must crack that shell though. I seriously am nutty under the shell. Did you get my email? Let’s friend on… if. you. want? (insecurities and paranoia sneaking in….)

    • I hear you. It’s hard when someone has done you damage to start again. And yes, I got your email, let’s check out that nutty shell in person, shall we. 😛

  • I hear you Suger. It’s ironic that in a day and age when we have so many ways of connecting, we tend to actually feel more lonely because the connection is not face to face anymore.

    I go through that sometimes having moved countries. While I do have a good group of friends here and thank my stars for that, it still sometimes feel like something is missing. And of course, none of my friends here blog or anything. I would love to have the kind of friendship I did with a couple of people while growing up…the ones you can call in the middle of the night in crisis. I even attended events through meetup but being a bit of an introvert, it can make it hard. In my case, my friends here are now all in a relationship while I just ended one in March. It makes it harder to hang out with girlfriends when they are in relationships.

    If you ever move to Sydney, we can always catch up. 🙂

    • I agree. So easy to feel lonely though with everyone else’s friendships right there under your nose. 😉

      Moving countries must take some serious guts. I think about moving interstate and I feel a little queasy about it. Country takes guts. I could move to Sydney, happily, loads of fabulous bloggers down that way.

  • I’ve only known you in blogging world for a short time. The other day I was thinking it’s odd how I consider this person to be a friend already. I know online friends aren’t quiet the same. There’s no ‘hey come over and help me finish this bottle of wine’.
    I moved interstate in 2008. It’s tricky to make in person friends. I think my first Geelong ‘friends’ were the ladies at the TS+ store! If I saw someone in town that I recognised, I’d go and tell my husband, “I knew people!”.

    • I know what you mean. And I’ve found with the people I’ve met that ARE closer by there is plenty of come on over and finish this wine conversations. Haha. I can’t imagine moving interstate, but at least with blogging I would know someone in most places these days. Haha.

  • Leonie

    I hear you too. I am missing having a best friend. For so long I did but we moved countries and then moved again and then moved again…. I just want someone who knows and gets me as a friend.
    I have lots of lovely friends, in lots of places, but missing that true bestie who knows me and still likes me …lol…

  • Workingwomenaus

    I would be there in a heartbeat if I didn’t live in a little valley a couple thousand kms away. I think we’d catch up for coffee, talk crap and I’d learn something (anything) about fashion from you. I bought a grey striped maxi skirt on your advice, you know?

    It’s tough. I really understand where you’re coming from on this. Sometimes I wonder if I put too much time and energy into my online relationships to the detriment of my offline ones…

    I don’t have answers for you, but I hope someone nearby realises how amazing you are and snaffles you up as a coffee buddy soon xxx

    • Haha. I LOVE that. Thanks for letting me know, send me a pic when you get the chance. I’m building a gallery! I’d love to be coffee buddies too, by the way. I dream of having all my bloggy friends in the one place forever. Hubby says it’s almost like a kidnap fantasy. It probably is. 😛

  • I am *so* the same. Even though I have IRL friends, it’s harder and harder to catch up with them nowadays with work + their kids schedules and whatnot.
    Interwebby friends are awesome cause there’s always someone to talk to and to catch up with (even if it’s just while going through google reader)
    xo

    • Do you think we would spend time hanging out and catching up if we were closer? Or would we still catch up online, do you think? I wonder that sometimes. Should iI just be making more of an effort or is that just the way it goes? Oh goodness. Brain explosion.

      • I reckon you’re onto something… I should be making more of an effort, but it involves thought! I’m not good at thinking at the best of times.

  • I have actually got to the stage where my online friends know more of whats going on with me, than my face to face friends, because they refuse to embrace social media, so silly when it is such an easy way to keep in touch.
    Funny but, an online friend that I met through a blog a year ago is now my most regular real life friend, and actually calls me more than long time friends do.

    • Not funny at all. I see my online real life friends way more than most of my real life friends. So much so that I think I’d be hard pressed to list 10 real life friends I’ve seen this year. Sigh. Life, huh?

      • I still find it hard to work out when an online friend becomes a “real” friend, as in when do you go from banter online to, comfortable to catch a cofee together, I suppose its that little bit wierder with me being male and all and my online friends being female

        • The ladies I now feel fine calling for lunch or dropping in on I would say have crossed over to friends. And yes, I think in this case, women have it easier.

  • Melissa I so know that feeling. I’ve slowly in the last two years start to make some lovely friends. but it has taken a long time. And yet I still manage to feel lonely. I don’t have the answer for you, sorry.

  • Carly Findlay

    It is hard 🙁 I moved 300 km away and found it took a long time to make friends. I found that by joining groups that I am interested in helped me a lot. Give me a call if you ever need to chat – when I get back to Australia of course

    • Thanks Carly, I appreciate that. Joining groups and that is something I need to do. Good thinking 99. Enjoy your trip!!

  • Oh I know this feeling all too well. After a huge falling out with the majority of my Sydney friends, I only have one or two, and I don’t see them often. I know that I can be a really sucky friend, as I’m not good at ringing people and I can suck at interaction, but I MISS having friends.

    • It takes something, that’s for sure to maintain friendships. Sorry for your loss. I find it hard to acknowledge some friendships are over. Until they are OVER, so I know that sucks.

  • Anne @ Domesblissity

    I like the fact that with online friends, you can communicate with them at 11pm at night and they can read my msg when they get a chance. With IRL friends, you both have to be available at the same time to talk or catch up and usually we’re all busy, doing stuff and catching up with housework or dealing with kids so we can have our online time later on that night! Catch 22. (My sister is up that way Melissa but she’s not as nice as me. LOL)
    Anne xx

    • Yes! I love that too. I got to send a text message sometimes and have to remind myself it’s not twitter!! Haha.

      Is she just… Hmmm, you’re pretty nice though, maybe that just makes her average nice. 😉

  • I consider you a friend, I love ya, you make me laugh, you make me think, you inspire, you encourage and I often see a lot things about myself in you. It sucks sometimes how distance seperates you from people you’d like to spend more time with. If I lived closer or vice versa I’d pester ya heaps, you would then wonder how the hell to get rid of me…….nah just kidding, but I’d be free for coffee and all that. I have several friends that live away from me (hours and hours away), when we get time together (once or twice a year) it makes the time sweeter and quality. But in what you’re saying about making effort I get it, I hate it when it’s one sided. Just keep being real Hun, just keep being you, you never know at any given point who’s falling in love with you and saying to themselves man I’d like to be her friend.

    Sorry that was an epic Trudie ramble ha ha, but I know it’s no surprise to you.

    • Same to you my friend. Thank you for your lovely words. xox

      Distance is a tough one. No matter where I go I would get further away from someone I wish was closer. I guess that’s the downside of such an available, open space as the internet. All of a sudden you have people to miss all over the place.

  • Kim H

    That’s really hard, Melissa. ((((hugs)))) xx

  • Tanya Price

    Hi Melissa – must own up I’ve been blog stalking your page for a few weeks now without commenting on anything but this one hit too close to home to ignore.
    After school (NSW) the group of friends I had went diffeent ways, & I eventually ended u in WA. I have family here, but (sadly) its amazing the difference you discover in people when you actually live around them – as opposed to only seeing them on holidays!
    Although I have married and settled here I don’t have friends, my work doesn’t really link me in with the type of people I would see socially and I find women around my area can be very “clicky”.
    I’m also trying to reach out to interest groups in my area, but must admit after being the one to always put the effort in – I can be very hesitant to approach people.
    In short – I totally understand where you are coming from 🙂 Meeting new people and making friends is not as easy as people say it is.

    • Hi Tanya, thanks for coming out of the comment closet. 😉

      I hear you. While I didn’t move interstate, I did move from one end of Queensland {almost} to the other and back. It’s strange that something so necessary to people is so difficult sometimes. Good luck to you. I hope it turns around for you one day. xo

  • But but but! I love you! I text you! I tweet you! You need to move to Brisbane so we can hang all the time! xxxx

    • Love you too Liv. I think about it often. I really, really do. I appreciate those texts, I really do! I’m glad you’re home so they can resume.

  • river

    I visit you here as often as I can, but it’s not at all the same thing is it?
    If only we lived closer, so a bus or train ticket didn’t require the taking out of a loan.

    • It’s different but valued none the less. That would be nice River, we’d make excellent coffee buddies, I’m sure.

  • Danielle

    I miss you too. I have a solution. Move to Nebo, Kate can come too 😛

    • Dude. I love you, but no way. Kate should though, would make visiting easier. 😉

  • Kristi

    i’ll be your friend mel!! (and i also know exactly what you’re feeling, so i guess it’s way more common that first thought??)

    • Well that’s one of the best offers I’ve had in ages!! Yes. Let’s do that. We can swap ASOS stories together over coffee’s. Not just you. Like, ever.

  • My God, my God, my God! I saw this title and it could be me (w/ different circumstances)!!! At times I’ve searched for old friends to reconnect with and after a few burned experiences (initial excitement and then they fizzle and fade OR my God you’re doing what?! with WHOM?!) it has also hit me – hey, I’m searching – I’m not the one being searched FOR. I am going to share this article on as much social media as I possibly can!!! Yesterday I had an anxiety attack that started when I was walking into a restaurant alone (I was ok w/ that part) but this is a folksy type of place, so they have a checkerboard set-up w/ two chairs, and it dawned on me: there is not one person I can call to play checkers with. HOW DID THIS BECOME MY LIFE?! Bless you to your toes for sharing this!!!