When my parents told me marriage is a negotiation, of sorts, I thought they meant I had to learn to share like I’d never shared before. They sort of did. But I never imagined they meant I’d have to learn to speak Husband. That strange language of the coupled gent, the shed dweller. The beard grower and the mower of the lawn and doer of the washing. I often wonder if this strange species of man even speaks English at all. And I don’t just mean the grunts that are supposed to be yeses.

He says babe I want your opinion but he’s already made up his mind.

He says he’d like a boat. And maybe another trailer. Oh yeah and a drill thingie-ma-bob too.

He says things about blade levels and cutting heights and other such things.

He says that my pants are fine. But maybe a little tight because I couldn’t squat in those. {!}

He say that he doesn’t care and I should decide.

There are a diverse range of random thoughts and things he says that make me question if I heard them right in the first place. Examples are hard to come by, like proving to someone there’s a thump noise in your car that disappears every time someone else rides along. The understanding of the Husband language takes time to interpret. For some time I questioned the almost carelessness. I raged against the lack of care and concern.

Then we grew up a little together.

It turns out, my Hubby is about as laid back as you can get. And he cares. He cares so deeply when it matters. I just had to learn to speak his language. It’s a whole world of miscommunications waiting to happen this marriage business. I find myself stumbling over them on an almost daily basis. I forgot that I don’t actually want his opinion on the fit of my jeans and I ask him. I’m never happy with the response. I want to go to war. Then I remind myself, I asked.

I worry that a day will come when these miscommunication’s start to diminish what we have. It seems almost inevitable. But of course, it isn’t. But I can see how it happens. How just one too many times of they’re a little firm, aren’t they? {not saying, geez you’re fat} Did you start dinner? {not saying, it’s your job woman get in the kitchen} Where are my socks? {not saying, washing, also your job}. I can see how this might push a girl over the edge. I hope when that day comes that I remember, he just speaks another language.

And that he doesn’t understand me either. Haha.

  • Kim-Marie Williams

    The Welshman sometimes doesn’t understand what I say, so interprets it in the way he would understand. Then we’re both heading in completely different tangents. He gets frustrated because he’s trying to help. I get frustrated because I can’t understand why he is talking to me about something which bears very little resemblance to the topic I was discussing!

    • Oh yes, throw in an accent and all bets are off. 😉

      • Kim-Marie Williams

        In our case, it’s not actually an accent thing. It’s a boy vs girl thing. It’s not that he doesn’t listen properly. He just listens with boy ears so he’s utterly convinced that what he has “heard” is “right” – even when it bears very little resemblance to what I actually said. Throw in some PMS (PMDD in my case, dear gods, help us all) and all bets are off! 😉

        • Ahhhh, haha. Too bad too, the accent thing could’ve been a GREAT excuse. We all do that, the what we hear is RIGHT thing. It’s a brain filter device. Useful I’m sure, except when it comes to listening. Ha!

  • Thats what I have so much trouble getting through to my wife, I really don’t care!! whatever she decides will be fine!, haha,

    I try to make her relate by saying “what would you say if I asked you what type of oil I should run in the car”?
    What would she think? ” I dont care, whatever you think is fine” – There you go,

    Even though we have made up our mind, we ask your opinion to gauge what your response will be to our decision 😉 Now I am in trouble! I am giving away man secrets

    • I do love having the man view Tony, thanks. The oil thing is a PERFECT example. The gauging stuff thing, explains A LOT! Haha

    • sheribombblog

      This man secret MIGHT JUST BE GOLD! Thank you, I understand now (and I suppose I am guilty of occasionally doing the same :P)

  • sheribombblog

    This is actually one of the things I have learned to love about The Man. He doesn’t hold back at all, tells it to me straight even if it’s not always what I want to hear. The guys I have been with before were so hopelessly into me that I think they just told me what they thought I wanted to hear. I can ask The Man’s opinion on an outfit and he will say ‘Um, NO’. haha Sure it can be a bit of a blow to the ego but at least I know he is being honest! I much prefer the straigh up response now, I know exactly where I stand.

    • Absolutely. Better you know then wander on out in public looking like a fool. Haha.

  • river

    I wish I’d known there was a “husband” language, no one told me anything much about being married and my first hubby was away a lot, being in the Army there was a lot of “playing soldier out in the bush” stuff going on. when he retired from the army, I didn’t know how to speak to him or how to help him cope with civilian life. So the marriage died. Second hubby was a complete fruitloop, couldn’t talk to him either. Guess I’m not really marriage material.