So I skipped the gym and my Weight Watchers meeting yesterday. I was hiding out. Ducking what could only have been a bad week. Eating poorly, sleeping poorly. Even failing to drink enough water, which is kind of my ‘thing’ I’ve always done right. There is something that gets triggered in me when I feel like I’m going to get in trouble. Even if it’s fictional trouble based entirely in my head. I hate getting in trouble. I’m a good girl.
But that fear of getting into trouble drives me in a lot of ways. It makes me be sneaky bad. It pushes me to hide out at the very time when I should be asking for help. There’s nothing worse than the being trapped by a behaviour that is unproductive and just down right bad for you. And by trapped, I mean trapped. I couldn’t have made it to that meeting if I wanted to. All of a sudden my whole self was sick, aching, dying a slow painful death. I was being all the horrible things I told myself I was.
You’ve got to watch it when you start to hide out from people. It can be for a host of reasons. none of them good. Maybe you’re hiding from yourself? This is the worst. When I hide out from myself I ignore the signs of my body telling me that it has had enough. I ignore the warning signs in my skin, my eyes and my waist. When I hide from myself I cover the tiredness with more naps and more caffeine. But they are the symptom, not the cause. I need to go back and restore myself.
There comes a time when I have to fess up. and stop hiding out. And it happens more often than I care to admit.
What are you hiding from lately?