Did you date much? – I met and married hubby fairly young and really quickly. So I never really had to suffer through the whole dating thing. But is it suffering, or would you say it’s exciting? I wonder sometimes {not for long, mind you} what life would have been like dating. Would it have been months, years, decades of dates? Would I have excelled at dates, or made a wonky, touch your hair awkwardly first impression and never be called back?

I’m date curious, can I say that?

Maybe I’ve finally got the seven-year relationship itch, 10 years in. Sometimes I day-dream about life without my relationship. And it’s not that I’m unhappy. I’m happier now than I’ve ever been. But I guess it’s a grass is always greener thing. I wonder about things I never had or did. I assume it’s normal. What I don’t think is normal is that neither of us ever really dated. I’m not surprised actually to figure out that Hubby and I are abnormal. Just add it to the list.

I don’t think either of us would have been great daters.

I also wonder about couples with regular date nights. How and why come to mind first. Do you get dressed up? Is there wine? Do you find that regularly scheduling a date makes it just one more thing to do in a week packed with things to do? I’m not pro or con dating your partner or matrimonial partner, no way. I’m just curious. We have never been able to make it work. Hubby occasionally suggest dinner. Usually when I’m face down on the couch attempting to lift my head enough to care. Or visa versa.

Apparently, snuggling on the couch isn’t a date.

Who makes the rules anyway? Can’t us driving to get Thai take out together be considered a date? Do I have to wear lipstick to make it count? Because if that’s the case I’ve never been on a real date. Ever. I don’t really wear the stuff. It ends up on my rather large front teeth. I’m ok with that. Mostly. I love the idea of dressing up and heading out somewhere nice. I might even do it too. If I felt like it. Maybe I should make the effort?

In relationships, is it possible to never date and stay happy?

  • I have never really been a date person either but my anxious insides would never have welcomed that life anyway so I am cool with it. My partner, on the other hand, has had his share of the dating scene prior to us being together and he has told many hilarious and awkward stories about it. And hell, we call a shared visit to Aldi a date and I reckon we do alright out of it!

    • Melissa Walker Horn

      Haha. Aldi date, nice. 

  • Mrs Woog

    Mr Woog and I hooked up when we were 21, moved in within days. So far so good x

    • Melissa Walker Horn

      So far, so good indeed. Long live the Woogs. 

  • seasidechik

    I went on a couple of dates, you know, dinner and a movie. If “dinner and a movie” consists of Maccas and The Garfield Movie…. I was 16 the last time I went on a date. I started dating hubby at 19, he moved in 2 weeks later and we got married 3 months after I turned 20 🙂 Married 4 years this year…

    • Melissa Walker Horn

      Naaaaw, sweet. 🙂 

  • Kimroseaus

    Inseparable from day one, we were either at my place or his place, approx 18mths in we formally moved in together after 5 years we had a baby, 6 years got married, 7 years another bub, 9 years number 3 baby arrived……10 years tomorrow HHmmm time to trade in for a new version?? LOL

    • Melissa Walker Horn

      Same with us, inseparable from the start. Congrats on 10 years tomorrow. 🙂 

  • Sarah

    I didn’t date much and was happy to not have to do any more after meeting my husband.

    Now though, after nearly 20 years I sometimes think of how it would be to be single as well. Like you, I am more happily married than ever, but just wonder what it would be like. So instead I joined groups and have made new friends both male and female. It’s like dating but with less sex!

    • Melissa Walker Horn

      Phew. It’s not just me. The groups of people sounds like a good idea. 

  • My Vintage Vow

    I was in year 12 a few months shy of 17 he had just turned 18, we knew with days, weeks it was a forever gig for us. After 18 months we moved in together. Later this month we will celebrate being together 17 years a married 13 of them.

    It’s natural to wonder about the what ifs. I have. But I don’t think you’re abnormal, I think you’re lucky to have found your love, your match so easily, so perfectly.

    • Melissa Walker Horn

      So lucky. So easily and so perfectly describes us to a tee. 

  • My

    My Mr and I started dating at 18 – we were in our first year of Uni and we went on lots of dates together.  It was heaps  of fun.  Now nearly 17 years and 2 kids later we still have date nights every couple of months.  I look forward to our date nights and would hate it if we didn’t have them anymore.

    • Melissa Walker Horn

      Oh that’s fun. Lots of dates early and a date night. Love it. 

  • HumbirdsSong

    Lovely post Liss! We’re the same, got together when I was 17 and he was 19 and neither of us had ‘dated’ anyone else. I sometimes wonder what it’s like on the other side too, but I’m pretty happy where I am right now! 

    • Melissa Walker Horn

      Thanks Rhi. So many examples of young love around here. I guess it’s perfectly normal to wonder how the other half live. No matter how happy you are. Pheeeew. 

  • Sam-o

    I met the Workaholic when I was 15 and he was a couple of weeks off 16. Love at first sight. Moved in together at 22&21. Married at 23. First child at 35. We are now 41. We didn’t rush anything but yes we missed out on the dating thing. It is only now with 2 young kids I understand the necessity of a planned “date night”.

    • Melissa Walker Horn

      I LOVE this. So you guys have been together for ages. Dated each other for a looooong time {heehee, I added the extra oooo’s to be cheeky}. Thanks for sharing. 

  • whiningattheworld

    I never really dated even beofre Mr E. Plus he kind of showed up on the scene and that was it. I like the idea of a date night but it’s not really feasible at the moment.

    I do wonder what dating would be like – especially with my husband.

    • Melissa Walker Horn

      I was the same. Never really dated and the him just showing up thing. 🙂

  • Maxabella

    Lots and lots of dates with lots and lots of not-quite-right guys. And then… the man I didn’t have o date came along and that was the end of that!

    I think you’re good. x

    • Melissa Walker Horn

      Well, I’m not sad I missed that bit. 😉

      You know what, I think I am.

  • Twentyfivewords

    My partner and I both work full time, and he is a chef, so he works 5 nights a week. As a result, we make it a priority to either go to a local pub during my lunch hour, or go out for dinner one night that he is off. We also have made a promise to do something new every two months ish. I think for us, this really works well because we both have quite demanding lives (not saying that anyone else doesn’t :)!) but making a priority to do things purely for pleasure feels so indulgent and keeps a happier working towards our other goals that require serious joint commitment much easier!

    • Twentyfivewords

      Whoops. Typo at the end he he. Should have said ‘keeps us happier’ 😉

    • Melissa Walker Horn

      Thank you for sharing this. I think what you’ve said is great. Making the effort, taking the time, it’s important. Whatever the form it shows up as.

  • Clarissa Fraser

    I have only ever been in one relationship, which lasted for 6 years, and now single i go through periods of excitement about meeting and dating new people but also very very apprehensive. But being on the initial first dates are always very exciting i think for me

    • Melissa Walker Horn

      The first meeting/date butterflies. Oh yes, that. Enjoy!

  • Jac Lambert

    What I love about relationships is the individuality of it all. for example my husband and I never had a proposal because I stormed into his room and demanded the ring then and there.
    Do what works for you two, that’s what makes relationships happy, and 10 years in means your definitely doing something right xx

    • Melissa Walker Horn

      Haha. Stormed the fort huh. I like it.

      Thank you!

  • The thought of dating makes me really anxious right now. I’ve never really dated. I met Adam online, and he flew over from Adelaide to meet me, and it was just like *bam – instant relationship*. 6 years later, I’m single and I have no idea how to date, do people even ‘date’ anymore. It’s actually something that’s been on my mind a lot lately.

    • Melissa Walker Horn

      I think people date. Some people. Enjoy the next steps for you. Exciting times ahead, I say. 😉

  • Lipstick on your teeth? Try this…have a tissue handy. After applying lipstick, put your finger in your mouth and slowly (not too slowly) draw it out between your pursed lips. Any lipstick that is on the inner surface of your lips will be removed, so much less likely to get onto your teeth.
    I never really dated. Mum and Mum-in-Law arranged for me to meet K at a dance and when I mentioned later that he was “nice” they began planning a wedding. We married two years later because he (K) wanted to and me because it was what everyone was expecting and I thought I wanted it too. Can’t have been too bad, we had 4 kids and lasted 23 years.

    • Melissa Walker Horn

      Thanks for the tip. Next time I give it a go, I’ll try this.

      Can’t have been all bad indeed. I’m loving hearing everyone’s stories about meeting their partners {past or present}. Thanks for sharing.

  • I want to start this by saying I am so utterly in love that I now can’t imagine being with anyone else, but….I loved dating. I loved the dressing up, the getting doted on, the text messages afterwards, the flirty emails, the getting paid for, the sexy hand-touches, the knowing I was being admired and lusted after, learning about a new restaurant/movie/place/destination/thing with that guy, meeting his friends for the first time and the excitement of knowing a date was coming up. I also loved the whole dating a few  guys at one time thing. I think playing the field a bit is great. The sexual chemistry building, first kisses, being spoiled, learning everything about a new person.- it’s awesome. And super exciting. 
    But, there is definitely the down side. I’ve had my heart broken and would be lying if I tried to pretend I didn’t break a few myself. But I’d say overall, dating is pretty fabulous. Sometimes I miss the ‘idea’ of true dating (like the first few dates of discovery and exploration with a new person). Then I just remember how amazing it is getting to spend my life with someone who knows and loves me so completely, that I feel truly at home when we are together. I don’t need to put on lipstick or my most charming behavior- I know Ben loves me when I’m hung over and in my PJ’s! I feel lucky that I’ve loved and been loved by a few men that I could imagine having a family with, but I am truly blessed that I have a Ben- someone who I feel is a part of me and like we are so utterly meant for each other (corny I know). I feel it’s ‘easier’ for me to know that becuase I have loved and lost and loved and felt like it’s not quite right. I believe in love at first sight definitely and soul mates. I also think that we have such a great capability for love that it’s important to explore a bit. That said, it was only a few dates into our budding relationship that I KNEW Ben was the one for me. I think if you know- YOU KNOW. And regardless if that is after dating a million men or just one, it feels different when it’s right. 

    Again that said, Ben and I have date nights regularly. I like to dress up and look pretty for him. I guess I liek to feel that I am reminding of him why he is lucky to have me lol 😉 but also reminding him that I want to make an effort in our relationship; that I want him to know that I value our personal time together. Sometimes though, a night in on the couch with our favorite food and movie can be just as romantic as a night out in the restaurant where we had a our first date. I think in general, any special time that you share together can be counted as date time- because it’s time that you have specifically set out to be with each other; and that is the most important thing of all right? 

    • Melissa Walker Horn

      I adore you. All of this. It’s wonderful, thanks for sharing. I’m so glad I got to meet you guys.

      So great, thanks!

  • My husband and I used to have “Date night” once a month on a Wednesday. We’d grab a bottle of wine, head to our favourite BYO restaurant and stick to our $30 budget. It was just a time we deliberately put aside to spend together. (Plus he knew he’d get lucky 🙂 ) We don’t do it as much now, but we try!

    • Melissa Walker Horn

      Naaaw, sounds lovely. Love the BYO restaurant and the wine. Love even more the getting lucky. Haha.