Who doesn’t love compliments, right!? I do. I love when people compliment my style, my blog and me. All good. I love it. I joke often with wailing, needy tones to those who love me “love me, praise and validate meeeee”. And I’m only half kidding. Compliments make me happy and I try to give them as often as I receive. Keep the world spinning and all that.
But what if I told you that you needed to give them up? Cold turkey stop believing them. Hmmmm? Then what?
Stay with me for a moment. When it comes to compliments forming part of our self-worth you need to give them up. Compliments are lovely, I said that right, but you can’t let them be what makes you value who you are. I think we need to take our focus away from what other people think, valuing their own praise above out own, before we can truly learn to be comfortable in our own skin. I get compliments when I wear this, my partner loves that, and the people at work are falling all over me about this.
Well that’s great. Dandy. But how do YOU feel?
If you had walked out the door this morning and felt great but no one said anything about your fabulousness would you still feel great in the afternoon? Well would you? If not, if you began to question whether this was a good outfit choice, nice make-up or hair then you are on shaky ground indeed. Shaky because this makes other people’s approval more important than your own. And honey you are never going to make everyone happy!
Like Dita says, you can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world but there’s still going to be someone doesn’t like peaches. Right!? So why take the risk with your confidence and how you feel about yourself by leaving it up to someone else. Decide now that while compliments are great (awesome in fact!) you are the only person whose opinion matters. The only one.
Accept compliments them graciously. Smile and say thank you for goodness sake. Give them liberally. Shower those you love, strangers in the street and especially the children in your life with genuine and diverse compliments. But whatever you do, whatever happens, remember one thing, YOU are what matters to you. Your opinion is the only one that REALLY matters. The rest is just cream on the sundae.
Hi! I’m Melissa Walker Horn. Around here, they call me Suger. I’m the Chief Blogger and doer of all the things here at Suger Coat It. Blogging since 1901; I love a casual ootd, taking photos, and writing about things that irk or inspire me. I love wine and cheese, long days at the beach and spending time with my family. I make stuff for the internet over at Chalkboard Digital. You know, living the sweet life.
I’ve always been more than happy to give compliments out – my recent habit is telling people how lovely their hair is, three random people in the past couple of weeks, all shades of red hair [hmmm I wonder why lol, one day I’ll be brave enough to go my desired vibrant red!], two checkout chicks and a random stranger, early 20’s standing in the queue with me at the supermarket; all three were chuffed to hear my compliments on their hair 🙂
As for receiving them? Yeah it freaks me out and I NEVER know how to graciously accept them, not sure I ever will!
I one hundred and fifty billion percent agree. I love to give out genuine compliments as I go about my day. I think it also helps keep a positive mindset and enjoy people when you look for the good things.
I can’t wait to see your red hair. 😉
I copied this bit from the reply to Sarah below for you in regard to how to accept them… As far as NORMAL compliments for, it’s awkward if you make it awkward, promise. Relax. You can look embarrassed or shy or whatever, that’s fine. Kind of humble and cute in fact. But please don’t ever argue with them. Smile and say thank you.
Nothing more, nothing less. If you feel that smart assy, joking bubbling up. STOP. Smile. Thank you. That is all.
I never know what to do with compliments! A coworker told me the other day she thought I had lost weight. I really am not sure how to take that and it was slightly awkward haha 🙂
I always feel like I need to reevaluate my life after reading your posts!
That’s SUCH a weird compliment right? Like phew, lucky you, you’re skinner now. Yay. Errrr, what? Haha. A lot of people say the same thing to me given my last two year transformation in my health and fitness. I’m barely lighter, but I am fitter, stronger, leaner and people notice. So when they ask, I say no actually, but I’m fiot as hell. Haha.
As far as NORMAL compliments for, it’s awkward if you make it awkward, promise. Relax. You can look embarrassed or shy or whatever, that’s fine. Kind of humble and cute in fact. But please don’t ever argue with them. Smile and say thank you.
This is very Wise Melissa. We encourage our children to ear praise from their teachers etc and then forget that their own self regard is very important in making them healthy adults. Relying on praise is a habit I am still trying to break. But I love giving them just for their own sake
Thank you Martina. We really do. I was encouraged to seek out praise from the adults around me until in my 20’s I found myself living a life that didn’t suit me at all. That’s the outcome of living according to someone else’s methods. Sure I still love it when my parents say they are proud of me. It makes my day. But I won’t wait for it now before I act. Now I know they love and are proud of me for who I am, not who I thought I needed to be to earn it.
I am only a new reader to your blog posts ( or whatever they are called ) but I think you may be one of the wisest women in Australia! Alongside me of course 🙂 I wish the teenage Facebook users would consider this… I am bemused and sometimes concerned about their constant need for public appraisal … Like for a like, tbh…
Well hello there! Welcome. And gah, thank you. You’re kind to say so and glad to be in SUCH great company as yourself, of course. Haha. My concern for teens is SO great in this area. I saw something the other day, a collection of videos from YouTube featuring dozens of girls, YOUNG GIRLS 8-13, asking if people thought they were pretty or ugly. OMG, why!? Whhhhhhyyyyy!? That could end so badly in so many ways.