One of my old posts popped into my ‘related articles widget’ today while I was replying to some comments. A post titled Smile Though Your Heart Is Breaking and of course I had to click-through to see what THAT was about. It was about Christmas, our second childless Christmas {which feels like a billion years ago now} and the heartbreak of running to my car to cry my eyes out. About grief and how it hits you hard sometimes.
One of the comments said “I love how you write sometimes” and referred to the honest, gritty posts. I appreciate the kind words about my ability to share these things and it made me think that perhaps the other stuff, the other writings and rambling aren’t in the same category. Is that a bad thing?Maybe it is. In blog world. Maybe guts sell.
Guts on the page, that is, not guts over your jeans that’s a hard sell. Haha. Truuuuust me.
I feel exposed sometimes. I feel like sharing who I am really gives people the upper hand over me. That they feel the right to comment on and judge me because of what I choose to share. It reaches down into the recesses of who I am, who I hope to be and it strips it bare. I do it without thinking and then it’s out there and I question the desire that drove me to share such a thing. Where does that come from?
For me it comes from owning who I am. Sharing it with as many people as possible so that I hold the upper hand. Taking back control of who I say I am, who you see me as and acknowledging that sometimes I am ridiculous, crazy and dark. And that it is all okay. I hope to speak to that person out there who does/thinks the same thing and wishes their life away hoping for things to be different. That they weren’t that way.
Is it actually the exposure of our darkest moments, our human’ness that people are drawn to or is it those things that draw out the best of our abilities and make it something better to read. Something that reaches out to people and says ME TOO. Meeeee too. You are not alone, I do that too. I feel that too. We are connected in that moment and that makes us all feel together.
Which is it folks? A train wreck of guts on the page or a trigger to write bigger better things. Vote now.
Hi! I’m Melissa Walker Horn. Around here, they call me Suger. I’m the Chief Blogger and doer of all the things here at Suger Coat It. Blogging since 1901; I love a casual ootd, taking photos, and writing about things that irk or inspire me. I love wine and cheese, long days at the beach and spending time with my family. I make stuff for the internet over at Chalkboard Digital. You know, living the sweet life.
It does takes guts to say it as it is. I am wondering just how much to reveal of myself as I am not holding it all together at present after being diagnosed with a head cancer just 4 months ago. The cancer diagnosis did not faze me so much as the total lack of support from friends… that truly stuffed my head up and rocked any confidence in myself.
It does. Not just because you expose your feelings and ideas to people but because sometimes people just suck. BUT sometimes people are supportive and great and it’s worth saying it all because you find your people. Draw your own line in the sand and see how you go. You can always move it later, forward or back closer, you get to decide.
And all the very best to you. The very best. Sometimes people just don’t know how to deal with a situation like the one you are in and don’t realise how hurtful it is when they just stop trying. I’ve been the one who left and luckily enough I had another friend who told me to pull my head in and be a decent friend. Luckily. Anyway. I’m going on and on. Good luck to you. x
Thanks. but it is still hard to accept that people just don’t care enough to respond at all. Your friend still had some confidence to tell you to pull your head in. I will move forward from here.
To clarify, it was a third friend, if that makes sense, someone on the outside who knew us both. I had injured the person in your position pretty badly by the time the 3rd person came to me. But gong back was one of the best decisions I ever made. I hope some of these people return to you while you still need them. 🙂
It isn’t a train wreck. Honest, gritty posts is what I find something to relate to. I prefer honest myself, and sometimes we do have to expose ourself. My Wife follows your site, and I’ve had a gander here and there and quite enjoy the way you write. Also, the link in the post is indeed broken, and should be updated to this one: http://sugercoatit.com/smile-though-your-heart-is-breaking/ 🙂
Thank you Justyn, glad you wife enjoys the blog too. You’re right. To be honest we have to be brave enough to expose those things about ourselves that we tend to like to hide. But it’s worth it. Mostly. Haha.
And yes, you were right about the link, thanks for that I’ve fixed it up.
It is always worth it, you get more followers by exposing yourself, you get criticised more, however you need to not let that get to you. You’re welcome, we shouldn’t have broken links. It is bad for SEO. 😉
Haha. Well I sort of broke them a lot myself! I was trying out a new format for the permalinks and hated it… Soooo switched back. I’m still working through the ones that didn’t automatically change. My bad. 😉
Ah, makes sense. Well, in that case you’re forgiven. 🙂
Pheeeew. I’d hate to have to hand in my blogger card! 😉
I think those who share have the most guts of anybody.
As a society we are taught not to share our thoughts and feelings. We are supposed to be like Spock-showing no emotion but emotion is part of what makes us human.
Using your words-we are all crazy, dark and ridiculous. Those of us that admit are better off. I had a friend who cared so much about “his image” and not showing his true self that he became a raging drunk and pothead to hide his true self. He ended up losing everything.
I think if we admit things about our self and are willing to share it that we become better humans.
I’m sorry to hear of your friend. It’s a hard life to live if you spend too much time hiding your true self, keeping up appearances for the benefit of people who never really cared anyway. I’m not surprised that he was self-medicating.
It’s the sharing that matters, the ‘me too’ and ‘we are all in this together’ that is most helpful. Hiding behind some created image does nothing good for anyone. Even if it does APPEAR to be easier in the beginning. It won’t always be.
Suger, everybody has something they long for mine is a home to call my own and the second is wishing I would of had a better relationship with my mum before she passed away and you is to have children of your own. I am still a stay at home mother of 2 now 15 & 17 and wouldn’t swap it for my own home anyday but in saying that I have been following you for years now and I always thought you had it all home of your own, career women, new car , I think at the end of the day everyone life journey is different and we just have to embrace what we do have
Close my eyes and please post lol
Was Disqus being difficult again? Gah, I hate that.
We do, you are so right, need to embrace the life we have. What you said says it all really, there is always someone looking at what you have a wishing it was theirs. Someone, somewhere. You never do know. Thanks for sharing. x
I don’t think it’s a train wreck. Or maybe it only is for those who think that knowing something about someone is there to be used to treat them like a train wreck.
But I don’t think people who store knowledge about someone to use against them last long in blogging.
I think blogging is largely personal exploration. We all have multiple sides. Good, bad, positive, negative. Struggles. Perfect days.
I do hope it isn’t. I really do. And I agree, people who store up information to use against me later aren’t worth the consideration. But it’s amazing how exposed you can feel sometimes when you open up. Then the fear of thoooose people re-emerges.